AQUARIUS SABZ

Shopping!

2008-08-14T23:11:00.002+08:00

Lately, I have been shopping for shoes for working simply because my current ones are dying soon...

But it was really so hard to buy any pair that is stylish, comfortable and affordable within my budget... Finally I saw a pair at A*** but it costs $80plus and do not have my usual size... Well the size they have, i can fit but it looks abit squeezy.

So after much thinking, I decided that I can still consider about it despite the fact that it is really stylish and comfortable... Then bf started to observe other ladies' heels and realised most gals either wear it too big or too small... There were only a few rare ones that really wear the right size and style...

Well, I was still not convinced that... Today I went browsing around and this store PAZZ*** and this pair of heels caught my eye... After a few tries, I decided to buy it, THIS WAS THE ONE!

Haha! The design and comfort level is there, the price is $60 plus which was reasonable as well... Not to mention that I had bought one of their shoes before so at least it's safer!

Then we went browsing again and this shop that specialises in designer style jade and semi precious stones jewellery caught my eye! Especially the jade in the nest ring which was extremely classy! However, the price was a whooping $480... The best part was the jade inside can be replaced by a coral stone...

So expensive and yet so tempting to buy! Sometimes when you have no intention to buy any things, everything seems appealing! When you are in the mood to shop, nothing seems appealing!

What a strange thing! But I guess this is how life works! Quirky world!

Ungrateful Ex-Boss

2008-07-20T13:41:00.003+08:00

This is an overdue post that I really feel like complaining...

Couple of months ago, this previous boss of mine msn me to ask if she could seek my help in sponsorship of certain items... I agreed to try but no promises of course... In the end, the company did not agree partially because of her reputation and also her period of event...

On and off, after I left the company, I still help them and went back to attend their arts events in support for them..Never did i know that when it's her turn to help me, she pretended to push the responsibility to someone else who did not know of me at all... So clever and smart right!

What I wanted was merely the list of contacts that I established and achieved while I was with them... She actually told me to ask the GM for it when she could say give the permission down... Fine, I will achieve it with my own means then...After working with her for a number of months, only now then I saw her true colours!

Oh boy! I am so damn glad I left... A pity I couldn't harden my resolve to delete away all the contacts I left them...Ungrateful bosses will never be able to retain employees who are good or reliable...

Serve you right for not being able to do marketing for you permanently... If you continue this way, the best and loyal person will eventually leave you... So what if you seem to have connections? Without sincerity and trust, you won't go far...

For me, I will not help you ever... The only people I will help are those within the company who have extended their friendship to me... Ungrateful ex-boss, you deserve it!

Rejoining the labour force

2008-07-19T13:08:00.003+08:00

Well, I guess it has been some time since i wrote again...

Tada~ Me joined the labour force to start working again in June after a few months of rest!

Those few months of recharge really helped alot and allowed me to feel so much more recharged...
Of course if money can drop from the sky it will be event better~

The new job is generally fine. I run activities for singles, married couples & families in the Personnel Services Centre of a tight security place somewhere along depot road...

Pay abit little but work, stress levels, office hours and of course colleagues generally quite good...
So far I am enjoying it though on and off there are a few office pests around.

Perhaps slowly I am seeing my direction in life and knowing exactly what i want...
Things have a way of falling into place slowly and steady...

Overall, I am happy with my life right now...
Of course, there are things to complain about but who don't?

Be positive and things will come your way eventually!

Still clueless about the future

2008-03-03T13:51:00.003+08:00

I admit it... I am still clueless about the future...

I have send in numerous resumes to try for a job... to private and government sector...

Yet, I am unsure of what I want...

There is no such thing as an imperfect job, it all lies in the mind...

After discussion with my friends, I came to a conclusion.

We all want the same things...

1. Reasonable salary
2. Manageable stress
3. No overwhelming OT
4. Sufficient time for friends, loved ones and self

Among the bunch of gals, we decided that we have no desire to climb the corporate ladder and do the stupid office politics... We are contented so long as we get the above 4 items...

After that, it will be marriage ( for those attached ones) or traveling( for those single ones), that's it...
So what is the problem then?

Why is it so damn hard to find something like that?
Beats me too, when I find mine, I will let you know...

Replacement

2008-02-19T11:10:00.003+08:00

Replacement

How should i say it without sounding bitter or hurt? I do not know...

There is this sense of loss, of hurt that I actually feel that I am being replaced...

Perhaps the original intention was to give me a good rest and not to replace me...

I will never know and I do not know if I want to know...

Maybe all this is a lesson on letting go...

From nurturing them to being on great terms, I am proud and honored to be with them...

But it seems that they have found someone better to manage and coordinate...

Well, maybe it's time I finally take a break to go back to my own cultivation and to do what I desire...

Regardless of all this, I am still thankful for everything that I have now...

My College GP Teacher

2008-02-01T15:31:00.000+08:00

My College GP Teacher

I have kept this letter that you wrote to me all this while. In my entire schooling life, you are one of most respected teacher. There is a sense of familiarity between you and me. Perhaps like what you said, we are both idealists...

You have given me the chance to try and be a leader, you saw the potential in me... This letter is like the encouragement hug that I will want to have when I am feeling down... I see the passion in your eyes in wanting to give us more than just purely education. You went beyond your role as a GP teacher, you attempted to insert creativity in everyday boring GP lessons. You won our hearts and befriended us, giving us the respect of a young adult that most teachers neglected to give us...

Despite the discouragement you received from the older generation teachers, you never gave up. I was very glad when I saw you still teaching in that same old college, the place where you felt its warmth and its familiarity.

Thank you for helping to mould my character into the person who I am today, for giving me courage and words of wisdom that will continue to be useful for the next ten years. May you be well & happy always!

A Teacher's Words

2008-02-01T15:13:00.000+08:00

A Teacher's Words

Wisdom, Hope and Love
Always want these things for your Life

Because I am human... I have favorites. I don't practice favoritism but I do have favorites.You are one of them. I suppose its because I think you are an idealist like me. I watch you in every class activity, even when you are quiet and I see your enthusiasm, even boldness in having a desire to lead. I wrote all your autographs with the hope that they will still be relevant when you read it again ten years down the road. So this is my advice to you: - Read the book ' Tuesdays with Morrie'. Its about a young man and his old teacher and the things he learns before his teacher dies. In the book lie years of built up wisdom, the greatest treasure that I wish for you. I pray that you store and build a foundation of meaningful values, so that when you begin to lead in the future people will continue to trust you and see a stability and clarity that they would want for themselves. I have tried every way I can to build each of you up, to teach you that life is only worth living if you live, love and serve others. As leaders we do not try to impress, we empower.

love yah,
xxx

Even when at times they seem so far away
Proverbs 3 : 3

Another New Beginning!

2008-01-19T11:51:00.000+08:00

Another New Beginning

It's a fine Saturday morning, I was browsing around on the website and suddenly remembered about my poor blog!
I haven't been updating it as often partially because of laziness and also lack of time... Since it is another new beginning, I thought I will post some updates here...

Well, I just resigned from my job after 8 months... There were a couple of reasons and it's hard to place everything in words...

But I guess in every job, the most important thing is to be happy with what you are doing! I was happy with my job and yet I still left... Partially I felt something was missing and I needed to find it out...

The urge to find it just keep bugging me to move on... For now, I intend to rest and take a break... My previous jobs have been too hectic though I kinda enjoy it...

But I need to experience what it feels like to work regular hours, climbing the corporate ladder and less of entertaining irritable people..

What will my next adventure be? I do not know and I do not wish to think of it for now...

Treasure life and live it fully!

2007-09-26T22:37:00.000+08:00

Treasure Life & Live It Fully!

How would you feel if you already in advance that your loved one will depart from this life before you?

Do you feel the fear, the occasional sadness and the helplessness?

I do... Perhaps that's why I have never liked the idea of having the futures known...

Precisely because of this reason, I try my best to given advice on how best not to take unnecessary risks and to treasure life to the fullest...

As my age increases, I have realised that it is better to start taking care of our health in our 20s. That's why I apply sunblock on my face daily and put on shades when the sun is glaring...

The sun is the most helpful and yet the most harmful thing..
refer to the below links for more information on this...

http://www.nsc.org/ehc/sunsafe.htm
http://library.thinkquest.org/15215/Foe/damaging_health.html

By the time you have finished reading all this, the one keyword that keeps flashing by is " prevention is better than cure".

I find it extremely uncomfortable when I see people exposing to the scorching sun doing sports... The risk of getting damaged skin and other related effects are high... You may not believe me because you do not see the effects as of now... But by the time you see the effects, it will be too late to save it...

I am neither controlling and preventing you from doing what you will like to do... But seeing you expose yourself to such risks and not advising you, I really do not think that's my style...

However, I am also aware that the truth hurts... and often people may not like it...
I won't repeat myself, my point has been made and I closed my case...

Whatever decision or preventions or precautions that you ultimately choose, it is entirely to your health benefit not mine or anyone else...

If you love your life, treasure it and live it to the fullest!

I love you dear dear...

2007-09-17T16:58:00.000+08:00

Looking Into The Future

Almost a year ago, a spiritual mentor told my good friends and I what lies in the future for us inclusive of everything from career, love to family...

I embarked on my new career with her advice and now I am not regretting it..
Neither do I regret getting together with my dear dear...

Dear dear, even if you were to leave a few years earlier before me, those decades of memories will be enough for me to keep me company throughout till my very last breath...

We have grown within a year and the bond between us has grown stronger and tighter with each passing day... The fights that we have just allowed us to understand each other deeper even though tears are shed...

It is such good fortune of mine and yours to be able to do 13 koras together in Nepal... It is even rarer to be able to go on meditation retreat with you to cultivate along this spiritual path...

Perhaps this is why the fortune teller says my good life has already started... It is my blessing to have found you, let me treasure every single day, every minute, every second with you around...

I love you dear dear...

My Dream Of The Death Of A Loved One

2007-09-08T23:45:00.000+08:00

My Dream Of The Death Of A Loved One

I had a dream, or rather a nightmare... of my loved one leaving me and returning back in the form of a ghost to accompany me just for a day... It was incredibly real with all my friends around me and even that I myself knew that it was real... In the dream, I tried to convince myself that everything was unreal and soon things will be well...

But no matter how much time passed, everything still remains as it was... No one was able to feel my pain, my broken heart, my loss of a loved one... When the scenario changed to that of a funeral, I saw right before my eyes the photo and the coffin of my love... Refusing to believe my eyes, I gathered all my courage to look into the coffin...

Till now, I can never forget the kind of pain, loss and heartbroke feeling... It felt like someone hitting me on the head and at the same time, a knife stabbing through my heart... I woke up in shock, traumatized and shaking with sweat and tears...

I couldn't confirm it was a dream or it was real... The only thing I did was to msg my dear to ensure that he was well and alive in the wee hours of 2am... Thankfully, everything was just a dream...

The impact of the dream was huge... it affected me for a few weeks and even till today, I can still feel the pain whenever I see something similar to my dream...

And then finally it hit me... This is how it will feel like if I will to lose my loved one..
Parents have been with us for at least 2 decades and we all know deep in our heart that they will leave earlier than us...

But not our loved ones, our partners ... They are supposed to be with us, accompany us throughout...
What will happen if your life partner just suddenly depart from this world after spending a decade with you?

I guess that's why depression can set in, illness can occur... because the emotional pain is too much to bear for anyone... I had a feel of what's it like in my dream... Mind you, it's just a dream and even though I still feel it now and then, it's probably just 10% of the real thing...

There is no way to avoid death... The only method is to accept that this is a fact that will happen to everyone... Every single day, someone's loved one dies.. Imagine the pain that they go through...

Treasure every single moment with your loved one and do not take it for granted... You never know when it will end... Maybe 10 yrs, 1 yr, 1 month, 1 day or even 1 second...

I love you my dear and will treasure you as much as possible... Thanks for everything, you are the best thing that can ever happen to me... I love you...

Superficial world

2007-08-28T22:01:00.000+08:00

Superficial World

It's been really a long long time since i last blogged. In the past 1 yr since I have graduated, I have experienced 3 different jobs in different areas...

What strikes me was the arts industry.. It is a world of superficial emotions, a place where you do not know if the face is a face or a mask... The only way for you to judge is through your instincts and experiences..

No wonder I find it hard to stay there, because it is so fake.. I realize to the boss, I have market value because I have connections and potential sponsors... Of course there are that rare group of sincere hearts in the arts area in order to survive long and good...

I learned who my true friends are and what the real world is due to the superficial world... Because of all this, I began to appreciate my current working place a lot more than ever, cherishing every single second of it...

It's ok really, I have moved on to better and bigger things... =)

I have changed...

2007-05-02T11:52:00.000+08:00

Title: I have changed...

Things, people can change within 1 second, needless to say within months...

I always feel that it's interesting to 'document' changes of myself once in a while because it can be unnoticeable if you do a check daily... but if the time line is stretched to months, then it's another story...

I have become more soft, more pampered, more dependent and more protected in the past few months... Controlling emotions which used to be easier for me have become really harder nowadays..

The time allocated to others have also decreased significantly as compared to the past... This is not a good nor a bad thing because circumstances change.. further more everyone is a working adult now instead of a student...

Perhaps it's irony... but I have also grown tougher, more street savvy, more alert in another way... Alarm bells will sound instantly if the situation is 'weird' in any sense..

But sometimes because of the above listed, I tend to take things for granted... thinking that it will always be there, it will always happen the way I want it to be...

A lot of friends I know feel this too.. Taking things for granted is something that we all know that we should avoid... but it's hard to do so...

Only when incidents happen, then we come to regret of it... It's not my style to have regrets because that kind of feeling is damn sucky, yucky... I do not want to be in that kind of situation where I am being taken for granted or I take people for granted...

Try as I may sometimes the control is beyond me... This is life~

Confused

2007-04-10T00:57:00.000+08:00

Title: Confused

I am really getting confused.. a bunch of thoughts just randomly flying over and around my head...

Why do I feel like we are getting blamed for something that we haven't actually had the chance to do it a second time?

Why do I feel like it is a big conspiracy all along? Some sort of betrayal going on?

I feel like shit now.. damn lousy...

Only one event and where is the god damn pattern.. there isn't any...
Is it because I just did not want it enough?

Or is it because the motivation ain't there?
I seriously don't have the answer now...

And I don't know when I will have the answer...
Damn confused now...

But I cannot sleep because I have all these questions floating around in my head..
Reluctant to be a leader...

Fingers pointing at me and I cannot help but feel helpless...
I do not feel disappointed but it doesn't mean I don't feel anything..

geez... emotions are such an hassle.. they come and they go as and when they like... so tough to deal with emotions..

Changi Village

2007-01-14T23:42:00.000+08:00

Title: Changi Village

Changi Village is really nice and ideal place to nua.. but it is sooo far from my place.. but worth a go if you need a place that has beach, clean air, kampong feel and good food..

It is a special place for me now.. the sea breeze blowing across my face..spending it with someone special and close to my heart..

Occasionally, you see people fishing for fish, crabs.. Huge ships, speedboats cruising across the sea..
The flock of pigeons who attempt to befriend you for the sake of food..

Such a nice place, yet it remains pristine and free from commercialisation.. But how long will it last?

I hope it stays this way at least for my generation.. for us to unwind and nua.. without any disturbances nor noise..

Shooting Stars

2007-01-07T20:03:00.000+08:00

Title: Shooting Stars

I have seen countless times of shooting stars.. there are some memorable ones especially in Singapore with loved ones..

Let me attempt to list down those times I saw shooting stars across the sky both in Singapore and overseas..

Singapore
1. I was in a restaurant high on top of hotel eating Dim Sum when I saw a shooting star fell down.. No one at the table saw it except me..

2. At the chalet at east coast for OAC gathering in JC days, shooting star just flew across the sky.. My friends thought that must be a plane flying past but I am dead sure it's a shooting star..

3. I was at east coast park near the changi side with Charles talking.. Saw this green light shoot across and mistook it as light stick until Charles yelled that its a star.. Pretty hilarious, heard its quite rare one to catch a green star!

4. Caught it at MY NEIGBOURHOOD PARK with my special someone.. Cannot believe my eyes when I saw it went down in the midst of the HDB blocks.. seem so unreal to catch it right smack near my place.. lol

Overseas
5. Was resting at a makeshift place for trekking to Jerkang waterfall next day when I saw 2 shooting stars at one shot.. Very satisfying when my friend did not see both at all..

6. Caught it at base camp at Kota Tinggi Waterfall when about to sleep facin the sky.. saw a shooting star that reverse its direction before coming down.. totally weird and funny.. me and cindy laughed until wanna die..

7. This time, its at Stong Waterfall base camp.. the star jus went down after we were waiting to see one for a long long time.. nothing spectacular..lol

8. At Nepal guest house rooftop.. was the only one who saw the shooting star flew past.. simply amazing in the cold weather with positive energy all around!

I guessed as compared to my peers, my frequencies of seeing shooting stars can be considered quite alot.. Perhaps I am just really lucky in so many times..

Wondered if shooting stars really grant wishes? If they do, then I will remember what wish to make for Charles the next time.. I have afterall made enough wishes in Nepal.. It's time to share with others.. =)

Arts vs Entertainment

2006-12-19T22:30:00.000+08:00

Title: Arts vs Entertainment

It was raining and I was thinking about establishing branding for my company in the long run..

Then it hit me that arts and entertainment has a intricate relationship.. Arts in terms of theatre, dance, musicals are a subset of entertainment..

Yet it is a very niche set of entertainment that is not mass appealing.. Most people want entertainment that is easily digestible and high entertainment value.. But often this kind of entertainment does not help you in any sense perhaps in destressing?

Arts itself has also a few categories: commercial and non profit companies.. Of course, judging by the names, it would have given away which one has more in depth meaning within..

The circle of arts and entertainment do overlaps.. They share the same media to publicize and spread the word.. The prominent people are few and little.. Those with power and prominent ones are even fewer..

No wonder when one is in the circle long enough, almost everyone is like a friend or a foe. For by then, all the true colours would have been shown..

Will I survive long enough to see the colours? I guess so and I believe so..

Blunt Me..

2006-12-11T02:09:00.000+08:00

Title: Blunt Me

Sometimes I am over frank and that in my opinion is being blunt.. I may stop myself in time if I am in the company of not so familiar people..

Hence, only those who are rather close with me see my blunt side..It's always hard to be frank yet tactful because the truth hurts occasionally.. Yet I yearn for nothing but the truth..

There are certain things I know in my heart that I should not ask.. Yet I still ask to get the confirmation and assurance that my gut feel is accurate..

But so what if the gut feel is accurate? The issue remains unsettled. I never believed in letting a small issue dangle because somehow one day it will accumulate and become a big issue..

Perhaps it's really not a minor issue afterall. Just let me think it through and come to a conclusion and I'll be fine..

The heart sinking feeling is kinda awful and suddenly I realizes this is the fear of losing and attachment.. I guess this is what most of us will go through it anyway..

Still thinking and thinking..

The Start of Chapter 2

2006-12-02T01:39:00.000+08:00

Title: The Start of Chapter 2

Happened to remember my blog and decided to take a look at the last post.. Oh boy! It was in Oct, 2 months back..

The start of Dec marked the start of Chapter 2 in my life. Chapter 1 has come to an end.. How do I define Chapter 1?

My definition of Chapter 1:

The end of the conventional education path

The end of being a 'recognised' student and its benefits

The end of having no proper income

The end of contract job at Catcha

So hence what is my definition of Chapter 2?

Chapter 2:

Start of new career

Start of new relationship e.g. working, personal, spiritual

Start of adult-hood into the coporate world

Start of all sorts of planning and the so called responsibilities

I guessed everyone has to go through it no matter how unwilling one is.. This is called growing up..

The trip in nepal is a fruitful one. It has changed my life in ways that are beyond words.. You will know what I mean if you are in my shoes..

Thank you to my spiritual friends for everything along this trip.. All of you hold a significant place in my heart..

Rapids Sweeping Me Off

2006-10-24T21:47:00.000+08:00

Title: Rapids Sweeping Me Off

Going away for a trip can indeed take things away from the mind. Sometimes it allows you to see things clearer having another perspective.. Sometimes it just make things more complicated then ever.

I had an enjoyable trip to KL with Fang, Xin and ZY. Very memorable on the laughter, the maps, the food, the cabbies and also the numerous b'dae celebrations for ZY.. It is extremely fun to go for short trips with close friends to eat and shop..

Rapids always flow at fast speeds sweeping things along the way without hesitation.. When I went on this KL trip, rapids attempted to sweep me off.. I simply did not have sufficient reaction time to hesitate nor think it through..

Rapids are nice, in fact too nice.. They touched me deeply yet I hesitated.. Still trying to rationalise it out.. Should I just flow with the rapids or should I stand steadfast in the rapids?

Perhaps when I am tired of standing, I will sit down and flow along with it? Or perhaps when when I am beyond words of expression, I will flow with it..

Underpaid and overworked

2006-10-20T22:18:00.000+08:00

Title: Underpaid and Overworked

I wonder why I am having 2nd thoughts on leaving the workplace.. Is it because of the enironment, the colleagues or the job nature of the work?

The big boss is nice no doubt but a very different working style compared to my ex-boss. Both are perfectionists but the big boss one is of an even higher level..

Everything I do under him always seem not right..For once, I am beginning to wonder if my work performance has dropped or that his standards are just too high for me to reach..

Suddenly the phrase"underpaid and overworked" came across my mind.. I am basically a multi tasker, had to do almost everything since its effectively a one woman team.. Now I even have to double up as admin: banking in cheques - opening letter boxes because the person in charge is on leave..

I do alot of things without complains because I believe that complains cannot solve problems. Seriously, even if I love my job big time, the pay is too little to cover..

More pay, more benefits please.. Thank You!

Wounded by words

2006-10-14T12:10:00.000+08:00

Title: Wounded By Words"

I never felt so hurt, disappointed and pissed by words before. Especially when it comes from someone I thought of as a close friend..

The original intention was to lighten the atmosphere by joking with him yet he took it as trying to make him feel lousy and make myself look better in front of others.. ASSHOLE..

Worst, I was even accused of mixing personal affairs and work matters.. In the 3 years that you knew me, when did I ever cross my line? Do you think you are the only person who cares?

Your intention of taking on the additional role/ workload was to contribute better to the community large. Yet if it turns out that the stress you accumulated resulted to hurting people around you with words, then forget it..

ITS NOT DOING YOURSELF NOR OTHERS GOOD.

I apologise for the sake of apologising because you think I should.. NOT because I think I was in the wrong..

Now, I remember and I will stay away.. For all the times that you hurt me with your words and actions.. there forms a crack in the friendship and in my heart..

I will shun away from you.. Never close again..

Are you that busy?

2006-09-21T00:09:00.000+08:00

Title: Are you that busy?

I want to pose this question to you" Are you that busy?"

To what extent you asked?

I answered" to the extent of leaving conversations in mid-air, lack of communication"

Oh.. i guessed I am busy then.. You said..

I pondered upon it and wondered' has busy become the common excuse for lots of things that people cannot handle?"

You perhaps belonged to this group of people I guess..

I do not happen to be psychic.. I cannot read your thoughts mind you..

Being busy and being not responsible are different issues.. Even if you are busy, you should at the least follow up with the issue..

I guessed you are still not mature enough to see all these.. soon you will know and perhaps understand that the world does not evolve just around you..

The Harsh Reality Of Working Life

2006-09-10T19:49:00.000+08:00

Title: The Harsh Reality Of Working Life

It has almost been 3 months of working life for me.. yet I feel like I have been working for 3 years instead..

The harsh reality of working life has hit me.. I witnessed how my boss is leaving her job soon.. Saw how people got retrenched.. Deal with my postponement of the event..

Seriously, everything has something in common.. the works of impermanence are in action. . Change cannot be avoided yet it cannot be predicted..

It is this harsh.. Nice people get retrenched.. Nice people leave the company.. It doesn't matter if you are nice or what.. so long as you are a fixed overhead cost then you are gone..

The feelings of sadness filled the office atmosphere.. So many people leaving..and those are people who have assisted me the most..

Kinda sad but have to deal with it somehow.. Slowly, I am looking forward to the end of my contract.. the end of the project..

Whether my contact gets extended, it no longer matters.. This entire chain of events have allowed me to realise that I can handle events alone even if it means more stress and more workload..

This is the harsh reality of working life.. finally know what it means..

Perhaps it's time to let go and move on?

2006-08-31T15:40:00.000+08:00

Title: Perhaps It's Time To Let Go and Move On?

Uncertainty is part and parcel of life.. We have to face it whether we like it or do not like it..

For some cases, answers are easily found while for others, it is in the grey area of neither yes nor no..

Uncertainty is tiring when the hand holds tightly to the present state and refuses to let go..
Even by holding onto a feather for 30 minutes, it will be come tiring..

If it's tangible things that are being held, there is no problem in discarding it away..
But if it's intangible like feelings, how do you let it go and move on?

Saying it is always easy.. doing it is never easy..
I ponder and wonder admist whatever little time I have in my tight schedule..

Perhaps the faith is not strong enough anymore.. I do not see any light at the end of the tunnel..
Well.. perhaps perhaps it is time to let go and move on..

Only then, I will spread my wings and regain my freedom..

Work Frustrations

2006-08-29T23:42:00.000+08:00

Title: Work Frustrations

Nothing is perfect, even the most ideal job can have work frustrations..

My job is almost perfect but I too have frustrations lately..

If not for the incompetent authorities, I was actually way ahead of my preparations for the event..

All thanks to them, the event is postponed and all my collaterals have to be reprinted..

It's not just financial loss but also time loss..

To make matters even more exciting, my boss was away in la la land hence everything was settled by me alone..

Though the big boss was here, he didn't help much as he wasn't involved in the entire planning of event..

So the ball is pretty much thrown back to me alone.. All she had to do was just to sms me and remind me this and that but well.. everything I do..

Effectively, it is a one woman show by me.. I know I can do it even when there are times when I just feel like surrendering..

I have always been a fighter.. each obstacle I encounter I will cross it.. If it's time issue, then I will double my speed and make sure it is being covered..

Perhaps it is this belief in my own capability that I have been working at amazing speeds that suprise even myself..

These 2 days, I have almost covered all emergency areas.. about 80% is dealt with.. finally received news that my boss will be back earlier than expected..

But well.. it is good news no doubt.. for me to take a breather..
If there is no recognition, I will leave and hunt for a better place..

For after this event, I am even more assured that I can run any event even if alone..
I have been made stronger and suddenly I realised my working style has become more similar to Cell..

No wonder I unwind the same way as he does.. because the pressure is there to excel.. to make things look good..

For now, I have done enough to pat myself on the shoulder to say" Well done!"
Thanks to Chingwi, Cell and other close friends for listening to my sms, msn etc...
The support rendered was very much appreciated by me.. =)

Title: Compilation of Meaningful Songs

2006-08-19T13:34:00.000+08:00

Title: Compilation of Meaningful Songs

Listening to 933FM bring me back some memories of those nice meaningful songs that leave a warm feeling in my heart..

Some of these songs have accompanied me through my life experiences.. A certain song may represent a certain person, event or simply it reflects my thoughts..

I used to think I will be a song composer someday.. But language not powerful enough.. I will be contented with admiring others' works though..

Enjoy the lyrics..

1. 对不起我爱你

没别的只想说对不起对不起我真的爱你
不管你会怎么想你怎么说也不会改变我的决定
你知道有时候感情事很难说很难说爱人或朋友
从前到现在我真的感觉要一想你我的心就发烧
想给你听我的心跳想你知道我睡的不好
喝水想着你搭车想着你阖眼闭眼间出现的全是你
我猜不到你的表情我等不到你的回应
不想难为你又不想放弃你决定告诉你对不起对不起我爱你
没别的只想说对不起怎么样我都会珍惜
不管你会怎么讲你怎么做也不会影响我的心情
你知道有时候男孩更难捉摸难捉摸爱人或朋友
现在到永远我真会感觉要一想你我的心就狂跳
我的模样记不记的牢情人卡有没有收到
读书想着你听歌想着你大地和蓝天出现的全是你
我才不管你的表情我才不理你回不回应
不想难为你又不想放弃你决定告诉你对不起对不起我爱你
你听一听我的心跳你看一看我睡的不好
喝水想着你搭车想着你阖眼闭眼间出现的全是你
我猜不到你的表情我等不到你的回应
不想难为你又不想放弃你决定告诉你对不起对不起我爱你

2. 勇气
终于做了这个决定别人怎么说我不理
只要你也一样的肯定我愿意天涯海角都随你去
我知道一切不容易我的心一直温习说服自己
最怕你忽然说要放弃爱真的需要勇气
来面对流言蜚语只要你一个眼神肯定
我爱你的意义(我的爱就有意义)我们都需要勇气
去相信会在一起人潮拥挤我能感觉你放在我手心
你的真心如果我的坚强任性
会不小心伤害了你你能不能温柔提醒
我虽然心太急更害怕错过你

3. 学会
几片落叶孤单的很绝对九月的风让心很累
我走过分手那天的街尾纪念我深深爱过的人是谁
爱像指纹印在心里真的很美应该忘了你
可是我学不会别再问我那一天才能学会我要的世界
你不能给有些爱情会给时间一些香味
它迟了一点却把我的心灌醉谁看见我流过了几次眼泪
它滴在心里让我学会每段故事都有关于它的收尾
它偶尔可以提醒我自己不能退
回忆让季节拿走他的颜色走着走着你就会忘记我

4. 叶子
叶子是不会飞翔的翅膀
翅膀是落在天上的叶子
天堂原来应该不是妄想
只是我早已经遗忘
当初惀怎么开始飞翔
孤单是一个人的狂欢
狂欢是一群人的孤单
爱情原来的开始是陪伴
但我也渐渐地遗忘
当时是怎样有人陪伴

我一个人吃饭旅行到处走走停停
也一个人看书写信自己对话谈心
只是心又飘到了哪里
就连自己看也看不清
我想我不仅仅是失去你

5. 我等你
不做考虑也没半点犹豫
我就说了这一句我等你
你眼中闪过了一些讶异
更多的是怀疑所以你可以离去

不相信你还会回心转意
是我任性才决定要等你
我眼中的泪没掉过一滴
只是随你背影慢慢倒流进心里（心底）

我等你半年为期
逾期就狠狠把你忘记
不只伤心的还包括一切甜蜜
（你应该已经和她公开在一起）
要等你要证明自己
我可以纵容你在心底
也可以当你只是路过的人而已
爱到痛之极才需要一段等你的限期来遗忘自己

Back to Square 1

2006-08-18T14:19:00.000+08:00

Title: Back to Square 1

Maybe it is still back to Square 1? Or is it I want things to go back to Square 1? Or rather things are still at Square 1?

There are thousands and millions of possibilities.. Maybe slightly exaggerated but you get the point..

This eeky feeling that exists is just irritating.. like a thorn in the flesh that cannot be pulled out..

Perhaps, I should let the river flow down and let things return back to square 1..

That will be better for all ..

Dare to love, dare to hate!

2006-08-13T14:22:00.000+08:00

Title: Dare to Love, Dare to Hate?

I always envy when I see people who dare to love, dare to hate.. That kind of freedom that I desire yet lacking the courage to pursue from within..

What do I gain and what do I lose?
Nothing.. Everything will just be back to square 1, that's all..
Or perhaps it's inert as part of the characteristics..
************************************************************************************
You're genuinely interested in and concerned for your fellow humans, and you have a strong need to make some kind of contribution to make the world a better place. Relating to a single individual, however - especially when it involves strong emotions - can be a bit trickier. Aquarius is concerned with ideals, and the ideals of love and equality are among many constantly formulated in your innovative, forward-looking mind. Aquarius is also, broadly, about science and knowledge, invention and discovery. The noblest of human visions are spun from this last of the airy signs. But your ideals are often ahead of their time, and collide head-on with the reality of human nature.

Without an ideal, no progress of any kind can take place. But the anchoring of an ideal takes time, flexibility, and sensitivity to the limitations of the human heart. Despite your keen intelligence, you aren't overly gifted in any of these things. You're usually impatient, and want to see the ideal made flesh this minute. You're a great lover of truth, but not, if the truth be known, very flexible. And you sometimes show astonishingly little understanding of, or patience with, the fluid depths of the human heart - most particularly your own.

You're the true democrat of the zodiac. One of your most attractive qualities is your sense of fairness and integrity. You've got a finely honed conscience and a horror of being what you call "selfish". That's noble, but not always psychologically healthy. Regardless of your personal likes and dislikes, your dedication to your beliefs is unshakeable.

Sometimes that courageous fixity of ideals can become stubborn fanaticism, whether scientific, political or spiritual. Political correctness can only have been invented by an Aquarian, because it's a paradigm of this sign's noble intentions coupled with complete intolerance of individual human emotional needs and differences.

The subtleties of human relationships can pose a big problem to you, because emotional conflicts can't be solved by logic and high ideals alone. Aquarians are often embarrassed by emotions, and find them distasteful both in themselves and in others. You're proud and self-controlled, and displays of emotion are seen as a weakness. That doesn't mean you're unfeeling. Far from it. You have an immense capacity for devotion and loyalty. But in the end, logic, self-control and idealism usually win, and that can mean ruthless suppression of, or dissociation from, unpleasant emotions like jealousy, aggression, neediness and anger.

Aquarians often have a gift for analysis of the human temperament, and many reach prominence in the psychological field. Everything about human motivation is clear and obvious to your penetrating, concise mind. And there is often a wonderful capacity to understand and feel detached compassion for even the most frightful behaviour in others. This is why you can talk to all kinds of people from every walk of life, and find something interesting and worthwhile in all of them.

The trouble is, the closer the relationship, the harder it gets for you to express personal feelings. You know what you think you feel, what you think you ought to feel, what you think you should and shouldn't feel, and what you think others think about what you think you feel...Well, it can all get very fraught in the sphere of intimate relations. You're capable of sacrificing your life for a loved one, yet you can forget to say, "I love you". A partner's need for flattery, sentimental displays of affection, and emotional and sexual reassurance may entirely elude your brilliant but often blind intellect.

Some zodiacal signs have a knack with personal relating, and others don't. You Aquarians have more difficulty than any other sign here, because you often have so little real appreciation of the personal - including your own person. But that's easy to remedy. Just take that marvellous, genuine love of humanity and extend it to include your own very human self.

************************************************************************************

This short abstract is freakingly true.. especially expressing the personal feelings.. Darn true.. Maybe I am a robert that is lacking of one chip that indicates " Feelings"..

I can be so unfeeling at times that I hurt others accidentally.. Dare to love, dare to hate? I wish..

My Gut Feel

2006-08-09T22:45:00.000+08:00

Title: My Gut Feel

How accurate is our gut feel? Well.. I am not sure for you or anyone else.. But for mine, my gut feel has always been right..

Had a discussion with Wee Kwang to realise that certain people may not be connected to their gut feel and hence may not be so accurate afterall..

That was an interesting insight! I always thought everyone has an inner voice to guide them along..

So should I listen to my gut feel once again? Or should I just rationalise things and let the brain take over?

Was reading my past blog and realise how I have grown from my past entries to my current entries..

If you like to take a look, my past website is www.xanga.com/sabrinaturally

Well.. guess I will end it here.. not much inspiration to blog today..

Blossoming of friendship

2006-08-05T23:54:00.000+08:00

Title: Blossoming of friendship

How does friendship develop between 2 strangers? It usually starts off with a smile, a "hi" and then some superficial topics..

Then what? You asked..

Well, it depends on how both parties want to go about it or how the circumstances develop..

My friendship with Dana did not blossom immediately but gradually..

Thinking back, I thank Tigger and siblings for bringing me and Dana closer.. Because we both loved and took care of the kittens, there was a common interest..

I remembered how my tears fell continuously and my body shook tremendously.. when I re-entered into the office where the kittens took their last breath.. Dana was there to console me, hugged me and cried with me for the kittens..

We felt like the mothers of the kittens when they opened their eyes to take the 1st sight of the world.. We cleaned their poo, pee and fed them.. It was a heartbreaking experience for both of us..

But because of this, we bonded..

Soon, this dear friend of mine will be leaving to the States for her Masters.. I know I will miss her aura of calmness, wittyness and everything else.. But I also know this friendship of ours will cement because of the firm foundation that we had..

This friendship will surely get better as time passes.. just like how wine always taste better the longer time passes..

What's holding you back?

2006-08-05T01:55:00.000+08:00

Title: What's holding you back?

The rabbit and tortoise were competing to see who would reach the finishing line first.. Halfway through, they decided to accompany each other to the end point instead of being competitors..

The journey seemed to take ages but eventually they were left with the last 200 m left.. The rabbit urged the tortoise to hurry.. But as the distance grew shorter, the tortoise moved even slower..

" What's holding you back? We are reaching the end soon, let's try to do this together yah!" The tortoise hesitated but nodded its head slowly.. The rabbit attempted to probe further but failed..

It was near the line.. The rabbit crossed the line.. but the tortoise refused to step over.. neither did it attempt to say any explaination.. It merely looked at the rabbit with pondering eyes..

The rabbit was filled with question marks all over in the brain.. but she knew when the time was right, the questions would be answered..

Travelling Alone

2006-08-03T22:41:00.000+08:00

Title: Travelling Alone

It has always been my wish and dream to travel alone and roam around the world.. but well I understand that it is not safe for a gal to travel alone..

But finally I got the chance to travel alone to Msia at least and meet up with my boss, KL and JKT counterparts..

Being the representative from Singapore " Hi, I am from Spore Starlight" , living in an apartment with models that I do not really get to interact was quite an experience..

The 1st night, I missed home.. missed my friends.. because I felt really alone and abit fearful of what was in front of me.. At that moment, I realised how overseas students felt..

After the 1st day, I began to adapt and got used to it, crapping with my JKT counterpart and learning stuff from KL counterpart..

Learnt to be street smart more and also more independent than ever.. Though I was supposed to be there to just look and see, there were times when I am expected to take care of things..

Considering that in a foreign country with some language barrier (mainly cantonese), it wasn't easy.. But i also realised the key to overcoming was to ask questions when unsure and also being sincere in getting people to help..

Travelling to work is tiring but fulfilling in a way.. I got to experience the different culture and the people as well.. Travelling alone is also fun in the sense that everything I see it with more caution and more observant..

Do hope that someday I will have a chance to meet up with the KL team.. Great people!! Thanks for the wonderful memories especially that pair of eyes! =)

Monetary Benefits Vs Interest

2006-07-26T22:27:00.000+08:00

Monetary Benefits Vs Interest

This has been like an itch that refuses to go away until it has been properly treated..

Each time someone gets a job and the mention of renumeration is brought up, this itch will react to it..

All along, I believed in having a job that I should have interest in order to work happily.. Monetary benefits should come secondary as it would not be able to buy happiness..

As compared to most people, I am fortunate to land myself in a job pretty fast in a cool working environment with a good boss.. most importantly, doing events management, something that I had passion for..

In exchange for everything, my monetary benefits are lesser than my peers..Perhaps it is because I am on contract basis.. But even if I am offered a permanent job, how much more will the pay increase?

No doubt, I loved my job, my environment and every single other thing.. But is everything worth it?

All the freedom that I am having now as compared to my peers is very much different.. The different kinds of people in various industry brings me much joy..

Why is it that a interest-based job often does not have as much monetary benefits?

It is an itch in the skin that refuses to go away until I can reconcile within myself..

Communication Is the Basis of Relationships

2006-07-20T23:45:00.000+08:00

Title: Communication Is the Basis of Relationships

We communicate to put our ideas, thoughts and opinions across to the other party..

If there is no communication, then there will not be any understanding.. Conflicts and mistrust will hence arise..

I am a firm believer that communication is the basis of relationships.. Relationships refer to kinship, friendship and love between parties..

A relationship will not last nor sustain without open communication.. because no one will know what each other is thinking..

When it has come to the point that no communication is becomng a norm, someone has to do something before nothing can be done..

By communicating, you relate your thoughts for the other party and allow them to understand you..

Since it seems so easy, then why are people not doing it enough?

Is it because of pride? Lack of time?

If those are the reasons, let me tell you this.. Those are just excuses..
If the will to communicate is there, no matter how hard and tough it is, you wil overcome it ..

One cent worth of thoughts~

Two Overgrown Children

2006-07-20T00:43:00.000+08:00

Title: Two Overgrown Children

There were two overgrown children who decided to go shopping together..Everything was fascinating for them..

They were wide-eyed and amazed at the wide array of goods displayed before their eyes.. They had fun, shared silly jokes and exchanged insider news..

What a sight to behold! With either one around, there will never be silence..
For they bring along joy, laughter and perhaps chaos..

When there is day, there is night..
It seems that the strings between them remains entangled..

Two overgrown children playing together..

Last minute again..

2006-07-17T23:20:00.000+08:00

Title: Last Minute Again

Strange.. why is it that when come to events that I have to be a particpant instead of an organiser, my preparation is always last minute?!

Convocation.. cousin's wedding.. friend's wedding..first interview..DnD..

U name it, I have it..

Seriously cannot think of any event that I actually prepared in advance for it..

Even convocation, supposedly the biggest ceremony of one's life apart from wedding(though I do not agree) was prepared last minute as well..

Borrowed the top and shoes from Delphine.. my pins and safety pins also bought by her.. Plus a reminder sms from her on what to do, wear and what not to do, wear..

Amazingly, I pulled off the whole thing without a stitch except for the slight hiccup along the stage.. Bleah..

Now, a faculty friend wedding and as usual.. I had to shop for clothes unless I recycled my clothes.. Out of desperation and lack of time, I grabbed a purple/ yellow spagetthi dress..

Hopefully I would wear it often.. But well I enjoyed my shopping which is often done in a rush and decided within a spilt second to buy or not..

Thankfully this time round, I have the heels to go with it.. Just need to get the right accessories and hairstyle to have the right look..

I guess all in all it's because all these things are not on my top priority list hence always delayed until last minute, no choice then do..

Well.. will try to plan in advance to lessen my buddy's nightmare of planning for me..
What will I do if I do not have my personal assistant!! =)

Thank you Delphine..

Married away..

2006-07-13T21:49:00.000+08:00

Title: Married Away...

The matchmaker yelled out loudly" We are here to bring the bride to her in-laws place" With the sedan and loud instrumental music in place, everyone was out to join in the happy occasion..

Back in the house, the mother and father looked tearfully at their daughter.. A furry of emotions ran through their hearts.. They knew it was time for her to leave the nest, to pursue her happiness, her future.. At the same time, they feared for her ability to adapt in a new environment..

The daughter gazed back at them, tears falling down her face.. Today marked the day of her entry into a brand new world.. a whole new game.. She wondered if she was ever going to be back home again anytime soon..

Mother and father spoke" Dear gal, this will always be your home. Do not hesitate to come back, we will welcome you back with open arms at anytime. We believe in you..You will do us proud and bring glory to us."

The daughter attempted to reply but failed.. She was too emotional to reply.. For the first time, she did not feel like leaving.. She wanted to just stay here forever yet she knew in order to grown and learn, she had to leave..

Slowly, she made her way to the sedan with her parents by her side.. She prayed that her in-laws would love her for who she was.. She prayed that the husband would love her for her qualities..

In her heart, she knew she would pull it off.. When the time is ripe, she would return home once again to her parents and her nest..

You still remember me...

2006-07-13T21:37:00.000+08:00

Title: You still rememeber me...

It was a pleasant suprise when I received a msn message from you asking me why I did not invite you down for convocation..

For once, it never occur to me that you will wan to come for my convocation.. It has been long since we really chatted normally..

A year ago, we went to a friend convocation together.. The friendship was blooming but it went down when you had some problems you could not solve..

No matter how I tried to help, you pushed me away.. you pushed all of us away.. But I am glad I stood by you even though I felt helpless, disappointed and sad..

I can only tell you" I am always here for you if you need someone to listen, to talk to.." Gradually you pulled yourself out..

What goes around comes around.. I am thankful that you still remember me and that you still can talk to me normally once again.. May this friendship bloom and may we stay as good friends too..

Flowers..

2006-07-13T21:15:00.000+08:00

Title: Flowers..

Someone once told me " all gals love to receive flowers even when they say they don't.."

Till now, it seems to be quite true for my gal friends around me..but for me, I am pretty neutral..

Most gals go head over heels when they receive roses..apparently it seems roses represent love and hence romantic feel..

But what is it so romantic when almost every other gal receives roses from someone they like?

Roses have been over-romanticised and commercialised.. Now it is just a money spinning tool for florists..

Naturally, I have my own preference of flowers as well.. But they aren't exactly the favourites for most people though..

Orchids are my number 1 choice.. I remember receiving once from a swappie for some occasion which I cannot remember.. and the second time was on my 21st birthday by swappies and SDE Jiemeis.. Till this day, it still brings a smile to me at the thought of how 21 people sprung a surprise on me then..

People laugh when they hear about my favourite flower because they will say " so loyal to Singapore ah?" Well, I always say this " I love orchids and I love Singapore"

There is a place called Orchidville along Mandai Road where they cultivate different breeds of orchids.. The 1st D&D for SWAPS was held there and I fell in love with the place..

Me and Fang still remembered the place fondly where we went there to buy 2 huge bouquets of orchids home at wholesale prices.. It is a good place to destress to lose yourself among the wide variety of orchids..

But this place is only accessible by car or taxi.. I look forward to going there again to buy orchids back..

Flowers look so pretty.. but they don't last.. At the end of the day, petals fall off, the stem wilts down.. everything falls back to the ground.. Just like us humans.. impermanence..

Too Many Nokia Phones..

2006-07-10T22:45:00.000+08:00

Title: Too Many Nokia Phones

Before any exclaimations are made, let me clarify.. Those Nokia phones do not belong to me.. Yet I am stuck with both Nokia phones till don't know when..

Sigh.. it's part of the job.. I was tasked with trying out N80 and the other(can't remember) Nokia phone to test out how to blog through phone..

I have never liked or used Nokia phones because I feel they are not user-friendly and the designs are really not that fantastic..

But.. the event I am doing is a Nokia sponsered event hence well you know..

Almost everyone tell me they envy my job for trying out the phones.. But do you know the inconveniences that come along?

For once, I have to figure from scratch how to use the phone, what functions, what buttons..

Next, some of my contacts are in my faithful phone and hence I get mystery numbers sometimes..

My time and date has got to be reset over and over.. And because of that, I was late for work because the time was delayed by one hour..

What else? The awful ring tone and sms tone.. the weight of the phone.. please spare me.. take back the phones as soon as possible..

Bet some of you would be laughing.. but if you were me, you won't laugh.. sigh!

It's alright even if the winner isn't her..

2006-07-10T01:40:00.000+08:00

Title: It's alright even if the winner isn't her..

"Checkmate.." The boy said.. The girl looked on in disbelief..

When was the last time she lost the game? It had been some time since she was defeated..

A master at defense games, she was very confident of her skills..

But once a while, she would lost guard and lost the game.. But she realised everything happened for a reason.. and behind every reason, there was a lesson to be learnt..

" It is alright even if the winner isn't me for I know your weakness and strategy now.." The gal replied calmly..

She had found her peace and composure.. The essence lies in having no expectations, facing all issues with a neutral mindset..

Perhaps she may not be the winner, but deep down she knows that winning or losing no longer matters..

I hate it when..

2006-07-09T01:21:00.000+08:00

Title: I hate it when..

I hate it when I have to disguise my feelings..

I hate it when I am totally unhappy and yet I have to say I am ok..

I hate it when I cannot express my feelings straight..

I hate it when I have to beat around the bush..

I hate it when I have to play mind games..

I hate it when I am being accused wrongly..

I hate it when people lied to me..

I hate it when people betrayed me..

I hate it when promises are being broken..

I hate it when my freedom is being restricted..

I hate it when the questioning/ commanding tone is being used..

I hate it when animals/humans/ other things are being abused..

I hate it when I am being taken for granted..

The list can go on and on.. but the above are things that I can immediately think of..
When I confide in you, I place my 100% trust in you..
If ever the trust is broken, it will be like a mirror with a crack..
When the door is open, it remains open for that period of time..
When the time comes, the door will remain close until the timing is right..

Instant mental gratification

2006-07-08T11:13:00.000+08:00

Title: Instant Mental Gratification

Humans are easily dissatisfied with things in life, or rather it is seldom that humans are geninuely satisfied..

From a human perspective, instant mental gratification is what we want, need and demand it.. Simple said, instant mental gratification means whatever we want, we want it NOW..not then or later but NOW NOW NOW..

When ZhiXing Shifu suggested this idea to me, my instant reaction was one of defensive.. There, I just proved his theory right..

Later, coming back to think of it.. it is really true.. How many times have I wanted things to go my way and wanted it immediately?

How many times have I refused to wait for the right timing and wanted it to happen instantly?

It is true.. we must learn to be patient.. Recognise the fact that we are constantly seeking instant mental gratification and accept it.. Slowly, this monkey mind will be tamed to realise that things do not always go the way it wants..

This much being said, it is often easier said then done.. If you are in a "between shores" situation, neither here and there, how do you ensure that instant mental gratification is tamed down?

Perhaps waiting is the only thing left for the mind to do.. Patiently waiting for the correct conditions to happen at the right place and right time..

Have a think on it.. Perhaps you too will understand what I am trying to put across..=)

What's the link between world cup and ODAC amazing race?

2006-07-04T21:46:00.000+08:00

Title: What's the link between World Cup and ODAC amazing race trial?

If without any hints from anyone, you can guess the link then you are truly amazing..

The ODAC amazing race part 1 and 2 ended so early that I wanted to thank my lucky stars..

The ODAC amazing race part 3 started so late till I had sufficient beauty sleep..

Well.. the organisers had an hidden agenda.. They planned it around the timetable of World Cup..

Yup.. that is the link.. The World Cup affects the timing of the race trial run..

For the umpteen time, I can never understand the fascination between a soccer match..

The Life! article wrote that guys feel they are part of the game, in other words, they felt responsible if the team wins/ loses the game..

Ever since I had knowledge, I only remembered having interest in basketball.. Lucky for me, there are friends around me who played basketball with me also.. If not, I would feel super left out and neglected in this season of World Cup..

Enough of my rambles on World Cup.. The amazing race trial was fun though tiring.. The part 2 when ZY and me had to race against 2 ODAC gals were the most exciting..

Used all our brain cells and whatever that we could to try and win.. in the end we won.. credits go to Fang, our supporting partner of the day and a tag along by the name of Darren who gave hints once a while and brought us the the nice dessert stall..

The amazing race has yet to begin.. But it will be a good one that the organisers, helpers and participants will enjoy..

If you happened to be interested, you can go to www.nusodac.net/race4 to check it out.. I know all the checkpoints though BUT I am not telling..

Try bribing me and maybe I will be tempted to say it..

Keeping things to myself

2006-07-03T22:48:00.000+08:00

Title: Keeping things to myself

Sometimes I keep things to myself because no one is there for me to talk to..

Sometimes there is someone to lend a listening ear but they cannot relate to what I am thinking..

Sometimes the person is there but the mind is not so why bother even talking..

Sometimes I just do not feel secure enough to tell someone because I do not want to be judged..

Sometimes keeping things to myself maintain the peace among friends and family..

Sometimes the truth hurts and people are not ready to hear it so it stays with me..

Sometimes it is just so tiring to open my mouth to talk..

Sometimes I am just another ordinary little gal with dreams to pursue..

Sometimes..sometimes..

Single Molecular Being- Cell

2006-07-02T01:57:00.000+08:00

Single Molecular Being- Cell

This entire entry is dedicated to a dear friend of mine.. a single molecular being/ basic unit of life by the name of Cell..

Sometimes when the friend is around for you in all occasions, you do not realise the importance of his presence.. Now I do..

Cell is in hibernation now.. Hence I avoid disturbing as much as possible.. Suddenly I missed him..

Despite all the 'torture' he gave me..the 'reconfiguration' of Sab as he called it.. I missed him..

I missed him like how a spiritual friend does, a good friend does, a sister does..

The enjoyable times we spent hanging at cafes, the overnight talking session, the movie sessions, the 'torture' sessions and the memorable showflat session.. bits and pieces of it flowed out from the memory..

He brought me joy and pain.. He brought me happiness and unhappiness.. but still I missed him..

Thank you for being there all these times.. truly enjoyed your company.. this path has been entertaining and enjoyable with your presence..

Deja Vu

2006-06-25T12:15:00.000+08:00

Title: Deja Vu

Exactly one month later (since waterfall trek), we were back in JB city square sitting at Secret Recipe having meals again.. Deja Vu..

That was the first thing that came to my mind after I told ZY.. The only thing that differed was the company that we were with..

Deja Vu happens now and then..sometimes it happens for a reason sometimes it is just coincidence..

Well.. it was great to just chill in the neighbouring country for once on a sat.. Doing manicure and even to the extent of us purchasing a package since we forsee that we will go back again to do manicure and pedicure for YY's wedding..

We do plan ahead yah.. and well, because of the lack of cash, we did not get to shop fully.. The next time we return, we will be fully prepared..~laughs!

Hanging out with Zy, Xin and Lin made me realise how important it is to have a group of close knit friends from university.. I really missed the times of doing projects, squabbling, gossipping and girls talk..

Of course every outing ( no matter how many of us) will be accompanied by girls talk.. confidential details here.. LOL

Really looking forward and treasuring each and every outing that we are gonna have.. The next one will probably be our convocation, the ceremony that officially marks our departure from NUS..

Personal and work life

2006-06-22T22:40:00.000+08:00

Title: Personal and Work Life

Well it has been more than a week since I left the 'virtual' world and stepped into the 'real world'..
Already, I felt like I had been working for years.. Maybe it's the sense of familiarity of the way things are being done..

My life is now segmented into personal and work life.. Within, there are smaller domains..
I am a firm believer that work matters should as far as possible stay clear from personal life.. This will prevent burning out of my energy and interest towards work..

Once i stepped into the control station, work matters will vanish from my mind and I will slip into the personal life me.. It is just so natural.. of course at times I caught myself thinking about work too and will pull myself out of it..

Personal life is anything that is not work related! So that includes lots and lots of things!! I will always ensure that on one of the weekdays, there is something for me to look forward to rather than the weekends.. because weekends will seem too long..

A simply dinner with friends, short shopping trip, cafe hanging out.. anything and everything.. It's the company that counts! Have so many interests that I have yet to pick out.. Will slowly slot them into my schedule..

A few of them will be sketching lessons from Seck, diving lessons and dance lessons! Hmm.. I know it is a bit strange that I can be quiet sitting down sketching and then enjoying trekking, dancing at the same time.. Well that's me.. But who cares?

So long as I like, I will do.. For once, unleash the reins and let me be free..

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Sabrina Tan Limei!

2006-06-18T11:40:00.000+08:00

Now this is a interesting one on my full name.. Sounds like something that Cell will comment on one..

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Sabrina Tan Limei!

Originally, Sabrina Tan Limei could not fly.
There are now more than 4000 satellites orbiting Sabrina Tan Limei.
The Australian billygoat plum contains a hundred times more Vitamin C than Sabrina Tan Limei!
If you cut Sabrina Tan Limei in half and count the number of seeds inside, you will know how many children you are going to have!
Sabrina Tan Limeiology is the study of Sabrina Tan Limei.
More people are killed by Sabrina Tan Limei each year than die in aeroplane accidents!
Sabrina Tan Limei has a memory span of three seconds!
If you toss Sabrina Tan Limei 10000 times, she will not land heads 5000 times, but more like 4950, because her head weighs more and thus ends up on the bottom!
In Japan it is considered rude to talk with Sabrina Tan Limei in your mouth.
Abraham Lincoln, who invented Sabrina Tan Limei, was the only US president ever granted a patent.

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Sabrina!

2006-06-18T11:38:00.000+08:00

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Sabrina!

Sabrina cannot be detected by infrared cameras.
Over 2000 people have now climbed sabrina, with roughly ten percent dying on the way down.
During the reign of Peter the Great, any Russian nobleman who chose to wear sabrina had to pay a special sabrina tax.
If you lie on your back with your legs stretched it is impossible to sink in sabrina.
Neil Armstrong first stepped on sabrina with his left foot!
Edinburgh imports three thousand kilograms of sabrina every year.
The liquid inside sabrina can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.
According to the story, Pinocchio was made of sabrina.
If your ear itches, this means that someone is talking about sabrina.
Human beings are the only animals that copulate while facing sabrina.

In too deep..

2006-06-17T21:14:00.000+08:00

Title: In too deep

Geez.. In too deep.. Not sure if it's bad news or good news..

Sometimes, it will come to a point when I forgot to prevent it from happening and the wall will just crumble down..

I guess it is just me.. looking for trouble.. waiting for trouble to hit me.. sounds pessimistic huh?

Nah.. just being realistic.. This is what I always say...

Or maybe I just lack the courage and prefers to escape.. Escape is afterall an easier way out..

Perhaps for this once, I will face up to it..

My style has always been one of upfront, confident though cautious at times..

Alot of uncertainty and unsureness.. Confidence level not as high compared to previous situations.. Wonder why...

I forsee Charles and Delphine shaking their heads and sighing when they read this..

Small waves, big waves

2006-06-17T01:12:00.000+08:00

Title: Small Waves, Big Waves

Along the seashore, there are waves.. sometimes the waves are small, somtimes the waves are huge..

No one can predict the size of the waves because it is unstable.. Waves appear because of currents..Currents and wind shape the waves.. Sometimes there are other unknown factors too..

When a small wave evolve into a huge wave, destruction can appear.. The extent of damage can cause fatalities.. It is then important to prevent the huge wave from coming..

But sometimes things get sucked into the wave suddenly and unknowingly.. It is hard to say when it hits.. Being too deep inside the wave will mean trouble or bliss if you can emerge with the wave..

Think about it.. Waves represent a part of our life too.. at least for me..
Small waves, big waves..

Random thoughts

2006-06-13T21:46:00.000+08:00

Title: Random Thoughts

Once a while, my thoughts would be so random that I cannot categorise them in any form nor give them any title...

Had a dinner treat that was good followed by a supper treat that was equally fantastic.. Must have put on pounds and gained calories.. Thank goodness I lost weight hence can afford to gain abit.. The company were wonderful as well.. lovely lovely!

First day of work was alright.. Roughly knew my job scope and I was glad to hear that my weekends are free on normal circumstances.. Gosh! I am free on weekends!! Someone ask me out please..haha

Realises that it is important to bring a positive attitude to work.. It helps in being less pessimistic about stepping into the rat race.. Then again.. my current job does make me feel insecure.. For all I know.. I could be jobless again..

Perhaps the end is not the most important outcome in this situation.. The process of the end is what is more crucial.. At least I learnt and gained some experience yah.. Like what Charles always say, enjoy the moment while it lasts..

Be it work or anything else, it remains true.. Be in the present and enjoy the moment!

2 Guys + 2 Gals = Enjoyable Time

2006-06-11T23:55:00.000+08:00

Title: 2 Guys + 2 Gals = Enjoyable Time

It has been almost 2 years since we last known each other as a group.. Yet the memories remained vivid..

Me and Lile were the facilitators for the SWAPS Absolute Camp.. The funniest thing was both of us never saw each other before and worst never communicated before.. Just before the camp, we exchanged one sms on who bringing what and that was it..

Amazingly, we clicked on the same frequency.. No doubt, no one guessed that we only knew each other on the 1st day of camp yah.. Then we both realised we are Aquarians then everything was like orr...no wonder!

Jessica and Suteck were in the same group as well.. Jessica is one funny gal who never failed to crack the group with jokes.. Still remembered she said that she used alot of tissue papers! And Suteck was from the FOC when I was the programmer!

Somehow, we realised that we all loved ktv-ing! Furthermore, we had gatherings after the camp which made the group bonding tighter.. We were also the only group that went for SWAPS Dinner & Dance and sat at the same table..

It is wonderful to see how our friendship has blossomed.. It was a great gathering with issues like future prospects, religion and also crap stuff.. It was a very cozy feel..

Promises on meeting up again were also met.. And me had been tasked with organising but had to inform them in advance.. Thank you my dear friends for the lovely friendship!

Looking forward to the next gathering with good food!

Uncertainty

2006-06-09T10:06:00.000+08:00

Title: Uncertainty

It is a period of uncertainty.. I am stepping into my next phrase of life.. Leaving the protected environment of being a student and proceeding into the real world..

There is fear and reluctance of moving on.. But this fear and reluctance adds on to the excitement and thrills in life.. Reluctant to leave behind my identity as a student and evolving into a working adult..

Now at the age of 23, I need to plan what I want to achieve in 5 years time, be it career, spiritual, relationships or others.. Planning for my own life is something I dislike tremendously yet it is a must..

Somehow, if I am still a student doing my final year, some of the uncertainty will be diminished.. But well, have to look forward and embrace the future with courage!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Unknowingly, I have grown and volunteered with YM for 3 years. It has been an annual routine to topple back there once holidays start..

No doubt, I will miss them really, no more crapping and hangout late nights with Cell, Chingwi.. It is probably going to be more of my work and other stuff.. But I know no matter how busy I am, I will make time for them..

Going to start work very soon.. since it's a contract basis, I have to prove to them that I am an asset worth employing in the long run..

I have confidence in my ability to perform especially in the events arena.. I thrive on adrenaline, excitement and challenges.. Thanks to Cell for training me into such a mutant.. At the end of the contract, if they decide not to renew, then I will be back to square 1 ..

For now, I will concentrate on these 4 months and making it a good job done!

Relationship matters, at the moment nothing to be said.. Still swinging single.. Well people, you know me and my criteria.. ~shrug..

Lets all embrace the future with hope, courage and smiles!

For Delphine..

2006-06-07T21:08:00.000+08:00

Title: For Delphine

Today's Horoscope

Quickie:
Letting go is easier today. Try to keep facing forward and revel in your maturity.

Overview:
Can you find a way to kill two birds with one stone? There's a way to repurpose your efforts so they apply to more than one area of your life. This leaves you with plenty of time to work toward a secret goal.

Gatherings Gatherings..

2006-06-07T00:01:00.000+08:00

Title: Gatherings Gatherings

There was a period of time when gatherings seem never ending.. Swaps, bs, jc, faulty etc.. It was tiring but entertaining..

Then there would be this period where there were zero gatherings because no one was free.. strange isn't it?

Had the 1st gathering for the Stong trekkers.. from 2pm to 2am.. solid 12 hours..almost finished doing all the entertainment found in singapore..

From board games at Settlers Cafe, dinner at Holland V, KTV at cuppage plaza till supper at hawkar centre.. What more can still be done?

It was fun really.. been long since I had such an ultra long gathering.. KTV was highly entertaining, everyone just went high and crazy..

Will this 1st gathering be the last gathering? I truly hope not..

In life, you gain some friends and you lost some friends.. have to be learn the art of contentment..

When do you learn to be content and declare that it is enough?

Missed SDE Jiemeis, hence really looking forward to meeting them.. Was very touched when Cindy thanked me for the friendship I have given her..

Gal, as much as you treasure me, I feel the same likewise.. The rest of the jiemeis, I treasure your friendship deeply too..

My university life has been highly interesting and entertaining because of all ur presence.. Projects has never been ever more exciting ever.. The idea of us going separate ways to pursue our paths in life make me feel a bit scary and insecure..

But I know the 9 of us will make it .. No matter what paths we take, we will still be friends yah..

All the best, lovely babes!

How different things can turn out to be!

2006-06-04T14:52:00.000+08:00

Title: How different things can turn out to be!

For more than once, I have seen for myself how different things can turn out to be due to expectations that one hold due to perceptions shaped by factors like humans and environment..

1a) Myth:

At the 1st briefing, I felt that the company would probably be average or below average.. coz ah... the Dabong gang in my group and they were like really duh.. Then we really pitied the assistant trip leader who was trying to be soooo.. diplomatic when the rest of us were fainting..

For the actual trip, the super duh guy pulled out and was replaced by another one.. One look at their backpacks, we almost wanted to smack them.. It was so small.. like my school bag..

1b) Truth:

After the 1st day at campsite, they actually proven themselves to be good cooks and responsible guys.. They were seriously funny and innocent until that they did not know they were funny.. Seriously, they were also gentlemanly in taking care of gals and helped quite a fair bit and also knowlegeable in plants and animals..

Further, they cracked us up continuously with their jokes as part of the entertainment.. And when 2 of them left for KL, we kinda feel a sense of loss and sadness too..

2a) Myth:

The place, Dabong is situated in Malaysia.. Since I had been to a few waterfall treks, I thought this one should be in a decent kampong place with basic amenities etc..

2b) Truth:

Gosh.. this place is really ulu.. The train is the only means of transport of getting there.. And it is a 11 hrs ride.. The town has only two coffee shops at the railway station.. and the station is basically a makeshift look alike shelter.. It's very simple over there, even the kids go to school by train..

3a) Myth:

I have look forward to this waterfall because it is supposed to be one of asia highest and alot of people have been singing praises of it.. For me, after Tapis waterfall, I thought it would be just another waterfall that people have over emphasised it..

3b) Truth:

After witnessing it myself, my opinion is changed.. This is the waterfall that you have to go to enjoy.. It has everything, slides, swing and anything for those who wanna a thrill...

It had a slide that I screamed and my heart never ever pounded so fast.. But it is really thrilling that I went for round 2.. yah crazy right?!

Then there is this trunk that allows you to swing like a Tarzan across and back.. So fun that I went for round 2 also..

Next, there is this hole where it feels like jacuzzi when you soaked yourself in.. totally relaxing.. and also this part where u can lie back and see water gushing down where you are cut off from the world..

Really hard to describe in words, you have to go and see it for urself.. fantastic waterfalls man!

4a) Myth:

One look at the leaders and I was like hmm.. are these leaders from ODAC reliable anot..
hmm I guess it's because I had never went with them before and well..
Then was thinking.. pray hard to make it back alive in one piece man..

4b) Truth:

Well.. got to give both the leaders credit for it.. They did their part well and kept us highly entertained with a rumor that we created for them.. the brokeback couple of Dabong!

Constantly, they ensured that everyone were alright.. kudos to Ninja for detecting that I was not feeling good on the 1st day before train ride.. kudos to Darren for constantly letting us teased yah.. and alot more yah..
Thanks dudes..

There were some others that cannot be classifed into myth or truth yah..

My group of gals, Serene, Cindy and Zhiying were great company! I would never forget the fun that I had with you, the star gazing session that we had.. And though I was stern and strict with Serene and Cindy due to your uncontrollable outbursts, I stil loved you babes..

The rest of the gals were equally great company! Great bonding and helpfulness.. This is indeed one the great trips that I have and will definitely stay in my memory..

Once again, the muddy treks were all imprinted in my brains.. Not to mention the part where I was really worried about flashfloods and praying that I did not have have to cross river in waist high level..

This is also the 1st time I gotten a leech bite on my hand and a really huge bruise on my leg too.. Interesting souvenir yah..

Hmm wat else ah.. oh yah the food! My first trek that I am on a vegetarian diet.. And also first time that I had so many people sharing little food.. 1st time that I helping out in the cooking with a meticulour supervisor--Darren.. who was constantly hoverin around the stove..

I had never been confident in my trekking skills because all those previous treks I went, those people were really EXPERIENCED.. But glad that for this trek, I was able to apply what the "seniors" taught me.. Kudos to them and my cousin who introduced to me the amazing world of trekking..

Indeed, trekking gains with experience.. I also trekked entirely with sandals.. for I feel trekked with shoes messier and slippery.. I got back in touch with Mother Nature through trekking.. a connection with waterfalls once again..It is truly wonderful to find myself again..

And also some other wonderful experiences that Charles and Delphine will know yah.. It feels really good to have supportive buddies who always encouraged me to pursue my interests.. Thanks yah..

This is my 1st and last trekking trip with ODAC as a student.. I am really glad for the experience.. It is beyond words of expression.. Thanks for allowing the completion of my university life to have a rainbow ending..

Truly.. this will not be my last trekking trip.. already looking to another one that is going to be in Sept.. to Mt Ophir..

Try it! You may fall in love like I did with Mother Nature..

Testing Water

2006-06-02T11:43:00.000+08:00

Title: Testing Water

The clouds floated past her sight.. She noticed the change in the clouds shape and recalled the moments she had during the trek..

How time flies.. She is already back in her homeland once again..

Once again, she had fallen in love with the waterfalls.. They never failed to make her feel at ease and secure..

How will she know if the waterfalls feel the same way? It is jus a silly thought..

Perhaps.. this is the period of testing, of patience, of mind games.. something that she does not like at all..

Well enjoy the moment with the waterfalls while it lasts.. It is so true.. Because the moment is short and precious that is why people treasure it..

How long more till it ends or move on to another phrase? No one knows.. It is a two way game..
She sees the clouds again ..

Looking Younger

2006-06-01T23:07:00.000+08:00

Title: Looking Younger

Since turning vegetarian for about 1 year plus.. I realised my complexion has been better.. Pores are smaller, less pimples and skin clearer..

I only realised it when I looked into the mirror for a longer time couple of days ago.. And I got Delphine to verify it..

It is probably due to the lack of meat hence lack of toxins.. It is wonderful. I feel healthier, recovered from illness faster as well..

Well it is still not enough.. I need to look younger with my current situation.. Geez.. need to tie hair for convo..

The thought of it depresses me.. Sigh.. You know what it mean.. From this point onwards, it is going to be me doing proper facial care regime..

How perfect is perfect?

2006-06-01T21:22:00.000+08:00

Title: How perfect is perfect?

It has been long since I went on a movie with Delphine.. She is not an avid movie-goer.. I even had to offer her dinner treat to get her to accompany me..

Well.. the topic was how perfect is perfect if there is nothing like perfect?

How do you define the perfect guy?

Well, Mr Aquarius is far from perfect but he is nice.. At the least, he can make me feel comfortable though he is not obliged to do so..

He is sincere and nice. I have never felt to be the extra one in their company..

But, there are obstacles in between them..

Then Delphine commented that Mr Aries is almost perfect.. But my reply was " how you do you define perfect?"

It got me thinking.. All along, I set my standards as wanting a perfect guy to prevent myself from making silly mistakes..

But the standards are defined by me alone.. Some of it are rubbish though.. So what then is perfect? Does perfect even exists?

It is probably those question that can be discussed for a long time yet without any answers..

Positive Things

2006-05-30T14:13:00.000+08:00

Title: Positive Things

A whole lot of positive things have been happening for me..

1) Academic- I managed to push from 3rd class to 2nd class lower honours. My case study achieved a A- which I felt really happy because I put in lots of effort for it..

2) Vesak- thank you dinner was wonderful. Heartwarming to see all the volunteers, my guides and my teacher June.

3) Waterfall trek- simple fabulous.. had the chance to meditate in open with the sound of water gushing. saw shooting stars also and made lots of new frens and toned up my muscles..
4) Let go- finally let go.. great feeling..

Overall, it is really wonderful to feel positive once again..

Just Breathe

2006-05-15T11:26:00.000+08:00

Title: Just Breathe

Every moment we are breathing, in .. out.. in.. out.. but how many times are we aware of the sensation?

Only during meditation? or is it during times of anger?

By just focusing on the breath, one can slowly feel the mind settling down, thoughts gathering together..

Slowly, there is resistance, then denial, then it turns to acceptance and finally letting go..

It's amazingly simple yet it is difficult to do it when you are caught in the fix..

I intend to let go.. The T-shirt incident was a blessing in disguise which woke me up.. There is no way I will let myself be hurt once more..

No more a silly gal.. no more a puppet that you instruct to do things..

Everything will be normal once more..

Gratitude..

2006-05-08T15:02:00.000+08:00

Title: What does Gratitude mean to you?

In this life, there are lots of things that I have to express my gratitude to..

My parents: for breathing life into me and bringing me up..

My sister: for keeping me entertained.. LOL

My best buddies: Charles and Delphine for being there when I needed someone

Buddhism: for giving me opportunities to learn and grow to become who I am..

Others: allowing me to love and appreciate what is love..

Thanks to everyone and everything that have made me who I am today..

HOSTEL

2006-05-01T01:54:00.000+08:00

Title: HOSTEL

Usually I do not comment upon movies but this movie, HOSTEL is exceptional..It is one that I must speak my mind on it..

1) It is the most gory, gruesome, bloody movie I ever seen.. The 2 other guy friends also had the same sentiments.. Do not mistake it with scary.. It is not thrilling nor scary but gory..

2) This is the first movie that I seen so many naked gals and sexual scenes.. All kinds and all sorts..this should be quite attractive for guys..

3) This is show that has so many F***King words in it.. Almost every sentence that is blurted out by the male leads has that..

4) This is the first movie that I actually closed my eyes more than opened my eyes to watch it. It is also the first time that I covered my head and attempt to hide behind a friend..

5) This is the first time that I really feel like puking after watching a few scenes..

If you think you can survive all the above after I have mentioned it, watch at your own risk..
A word of caution: You may want to avoid having a full stomach when watching the show..

However, there are learning points from this movie.. It expresses the hidden desire of humans wanting to kill humans yet leading a scot free life.. The ways of killing are just torturous and sadistic..

Precisely it uses humans as the objects, it has left a lasting impact. What if animals have been used? Would we still see it as inhumane?

Think about it, in reality, THIS is what animals go through.. They are being butchered by us, HUMANS.. At times, we even torture them at our own pleasure.. Just because they cannot plead do not make their suffering less painful..

If you are not a vegetarian, go and watch this movie.. It may just change your mind.. Even if you do not become a vegetarian, you may feel more for the animals too..

It feels wonderful talking it out..

2006-04-27T23:43:00.000+08:00

Title: It feels wonderful talking it out

At this moment, I am filled with gratitude towards my classmate from my buddhist class who called me to update me on things that had been going on..

She's a wonderful listener and conversationalist.. She expressed her thoughts regarding recent events as well as listened to my feelings.. It feels damn good to air my feelings out for once without fearing what cannot be said..

All those thoughts that were in my brain allowed me to understand that there were others who felt the same way too. I am not alone.. However, I also realised that I am alone in the mechanisms of coping with the feelings..

I honestly told her I do not know how long it will take me to recover.. But one thing for sure, I will go to take the exams..

An aquarius treasures her freedom and privacy the most.. If it is being suppressed, the force of rebounding will be greater and explosive.. The explosive force will be converted into another form of learning energy which will benefit another area.. trust me, it happens!

Losing Trust & Faith

2006-04-26T23:10:00.000+08:00

Title: Losing Trust & Faith

Society matters have been disturbing.. One issue has just disappeared, another arises..

The faith and trust that I used to have is slowly eroding away bit by bit.. It's been a while since I stepped backed into the place where I thought could become another place of belonging..

It took me a very long time to bond with the friends and the place.. And now, I am wondering if all of it is worthwhile.. I do not doubt the sincerity of my friends but other issues have been disturbing..

Perhaps this is a sign for me to move on.. When the trust and faith is no longer in my heart, what good will it serve for me to keep staying? It will only create unwholesome thoughts..

Where can I go? Perhaps it is a sign for me to go in search of places once again.. One cannot expect the environment to change for us, but us to adapt to the environment.. In the case where one cannot adapt to it, then it is time to change..

Change is inevitable.. Should I leave now or should I wait for a while more? It is a struggle..

Thank you for being My 'Younger Brother'

2006-04-26T23:06:00.000+08:00

Title: Thank You for being My 'Younger Brother'

I always wondered what it would be like to have a younger brother or an elder brother. Well, somehow my wish was granted..

Along the way in university, I 'adopted' a younger brother. It started by him calling me 'Jie' and me calling him 'Xiaodi'. Somehow, the names and the roles stuck..

Though we knew each other for a few years but it felt longer. I always wanted to thank hm for giving this opportunity to experience having a younger brother.. I remembered an incident when he delivered dinner for me and he even added extra food for me for fear of me being hungry during lectures..

When I was down, he would be there to cheer me up.. Even though there were time of misunderstanding, it was quickly resolved. I was touched when one day he told me 'Jie, I love you.' Likewise, 'Xiaodi, I love you too'.

I believed somehow and somewhere we must be connected in our previous lives to have such a connection.. Thank you for all the love and concern that you have given me.. I will treasure this kinship between us while it last..May you be well and happy always..

Gals Making the Moves

2006-04-25T12:17:00.000+08:00

Title: Gals Making the Moves

When it comes to affairs of the heart, I believe that both parties are equal in terms of who should make the first move.. Traditionally, it was seen to be the guy who should make the first move.. But guys can chicken out too, the fear of unknown is sometimes too great to handle..

And hence, gals should also be allowed to make the first moves too. But when they make that sacred moves, people view them as desperate.. Oh man! Can't the world see that if one party make the move, at least they are relieved of the constant unknown?

But when the gal makes the first move first, guys may(or may not) take them for granted. Because the guy feels that the gal probably wants him more than she wants him.. This is EGO.. For goodness sake, the gal makes the move because she just want to get it over and done with..

Sometimes, guys are also intimidated by gals who make the first move.. They fear that she may be too much to handle.. Well, these guys lack confidence then.. So if he lacks confidence, in the long run he is going to face the same problem too.. hence forget about this kind of guy..

Of course, the best scenario is the guy making the first move.. But guys either hesitate too long or take it too fast.. They are not the ladies so you know they may goof up sometimes. Forgive them, gals.. They are trying hard enough..

Well, that's about all I have to say... If you really feel for the person, go ahead and make the move.. Nevermind if you are a gal or a guy.. In love, everyone is equal..=)

Thank you for making my day!

2006-04-24T16:31:00.001+08:00

Title: Thank You for making my day!

These few weeks, my mood has not be particularly rosy because of issues that I yet to sort it out..

But today, an unexpected person that I happened to meet make my day! He was, yah it was a HE probably not aware that he made my day..

Just chatting with him always make me laugh.. because he is so unbelieveable crappy.. I am glad that I met you today before I graduate.. I do hope you will come for the event..

No, my dears.. It's not the cute Korean-American guy.. I have yet to see a second glance of him..Geez.. This blog is unlike me.. lol but well nevermind.. I am happy.. so i shall post whatever I fancy..

I do not like to give comments when I know that I am already being biased. I have always dislike people who are biased and hence I do not want to be one.. More so, when I know the person values my opinions.. This will only hurt others..

I realise it's a struggle between being the nice person to just pretend nothing ever happen versus dealing with the real feelings and facing up to it.. But I guess this is life..

The little boat

2006-04-20T23:29:00.000+08:00

Title: The Little Boat

Little boat was drifting along the cityside when a huge wind blew it off course.. It did not have a choice to revert to its original position instead it kept drifting along with the breeze..

Along as it went, it came to a countryside.. The little boat's dreamplace to dock, a place of happiness and bliss..

It soon realised it was at the point of no return. It would never be happy no matter how much it tried to force itself to be at the city.. And if it could not be happy and joyous thoughts could not be conveyed to passengers onboard, why stayed there?

The city was a great place. But little boat did not have faith that it was gonna be that great after a few years.. Places change like the weather does... It is always better to leave while the impressions of the place remain lovely..

Little boat docked at the countryside and decided to make it its home while awaiting for the arrival for her new owner..

~Had inspiration hence decided to blog twice in a day..

<>

2006-04-20T16:03:00.000+08:00

Title: Timeout

There are occasions when I called for a timeout.. When I am being hurt, being attacked or under huge stress level..

Initially, I thought it was only me who had this weird reaction in my DNA makeup especially the way I responded.. My mode of reaction would be to shut down all systems and thinking processes, withdrawing and being defensive (at times)..

Well, I was glad to know that another friend of the same star sign reacted in the same way..It's a period of confusion and helplessness for us..

No one can pull me out of it because they do not understand the interwined emotions involved. I know clearly what needs to be done but unable to do it due to psychological obstacles..

So long as the heart refuses to move on, everything remains stuck. The shadow of the past merges with the present causing it to be a constant nightmare.. The image of the past and the image of the present lumps together to illusions.. No longer can I differentiate which is which.. The tears of yesterday combined with the tears of today.. The tears of future should not appear..

The hurt is done, the wound unhealed with a ugly gaping scar refusing to be healed.. Perhaps time is the best medication.. How long will it take? Days, months or years? It is unknown..

Timeout.. Timeout.. Timeout..

The Oprah Winfrey Show

2006-04-20T00:07:00.000+08:00

Title: The Oprah Winfrey Show

For a long time, I have always heard about what an amazing show it is.. I cheered when finally channel 5 is showing it.. After a few episodes, I am hooked..

I have to admit it is an amazing show, it's no wonder that people love it..

It does not only invite celebrities on board to talk about the usual stuff but it also invites wonderful children with potential to be comedians or other areas to show their thoughts, respecting them as individuals..

Sometimes, it also cover social problems like dealing with poverty in US. These few episodes touched me deeply. It is a show of substance, bringing awareness to the country to the world. The show on poverty reveals the large numbers of citizens who are living in poverty and suffering even more after Hurricane Katrina..

Cities, towns that were deemed to be invisible or simply disappeared from people's view because they were insignificant. They did not receive any help when hurricane hit..neither did they receive any warning systems.. because the city cannot afford any funds to install any system.. This is the life that happened in US, the world richest and most powerful country..

My heart bleeded when the show featured families who are still in poverty simply because they could not get a job hence no money and hence cannot improve themself.. The cycle continues..

Winfrey Oprah is an amazing woman, the sincerity can be seen in her shows.. The way she communicates to people, wanting to being love and hope to the country she resides in.. Simply inspiring, do hope more people like her will be nurtured in the future..

Blessings

2006-04-18T20:59:00.000+08:00

Title: Blessings

Blessings are wonderful and precious gems to receive.. It feels wonderful to receive blessings from one's family because the huge positive energy that comes about too..

Truly, Delphine is like my own family including her younger sister.. I give you and Mr Aquarius my blessings because both of you are so right for each other..

For once, one good guy appeared in your life.. And for this once, he has also brought about great joy and laughter to you as well as to me.. Never have I felt left out in the company of both of you.. I like his sincerity in wanting to befriend me as an individual and not because I am your good buddy and hence need to bootlick me..

A simple guy with similar thoughts as me.. Aquarius do think alike.. It's wonderful when I can gang up with him on you! Both of you are lovely people, because of that, I truly want to hear wedding bells for you..Well, if really there are HUGE obstacles, you can always use my plan A, plan B and plan C .. Giggles..

My heartfelt blessings for both of you no matter what the outcome is.. Mr Aquarius & Ms Capricorn, have trust and confidence in your future!

Being independent and protecting myself once again

2006-04-17T23:38:00.000+08:00

Title: Being Independent and Protecting Myself Once Again

I remember that someone once asked me if you could pick an animal to represent yourself, what would you choose? My answer was a porcupine..

A porcupine can protect itself when attacked, hurt or scared.. It is also an independent animal.. In alot of ways, I identified with it..

I have learnt to be independent but perhaps sometimes the emotional aspect trips me up.. Perhaps I need to be independent both physically and mentally, reducing my dependency especially on friends..Along the years when one grows up, some friends are gained while some friends are dropped..This is life and somehow I have slowly gotten used to it..

Maybe that is why I not confide easily in people even though I can socialise with everyone easily.. In alot of cases, I can related to peoples' feelings but not the other way round. Gradually, I realised it's frustrating to want people to understand me.. Somehow, I just stopped trying and understand myself better through me alone..

By nature, Aquarius has a trait of being a loner.. Loner does not equate to being loneliness. Its different issues. That's why I do not mind being alone as well.. Being a loner has its advantages, at the least I do not get hurt emotionally. It is my way of protecting myself..

Healing takes a long time and sometimes it never heals back. I rather prevent the hurt being inflicted on me rather than taking it to risk.. Loner allows me to see things I never ever seen before, bringing to light issues that are blinded from me when I have company..

I know my independent personality will serve me well.. It's human nature to protect oneself from being hurt.. Unless its for a worthy cause which until now I do not see any..

Just Me..

2006-04-17T00:23:00.000+08:00

Title: Just Me..

Suddenly I realised that I no longer can express freely my thoughts on the blog because I have to cared about what people feel..

But what the heck.. Its my blog and its going to be just me..

Why should I conceal and hide my feelings if I feel negative or lousy? Concerned about others? Forget it..

Continuing to do so.. I may just die early.. Or perhaps its to train patience..

I do not like certain things are .. I cannot avoid because I do not have the choice at the moment but soon I will have it..

Its wonderful to feel liberated once again.. Don't like means don't like, full stop.. Enough said for now..

Death Preparations

2006-04-16T00:41:00.000+08:00

Title: Death Preparations

There is a weird topic that probably only me and Delphine can talk about it like any other normal topic.. That is our death preparations..

It gives us relief when we know that in case anyone of us goes first, there is the other party who will know what to do..

Well, I just gave her my list and constantly updating her on the tasks..

Firstly, my funeral will be a happy one with no tears but only laughters..

Secondly, there will not be any flowers wreaths or incense papers burning.. Pls send all those money to charity instead..

Thirdly, I want a cremation and ashes to be dropped into the sea.. So that there is no need to waste space..

Fourthly, 3/4 of my money goes to my parents, the remaining will be donated to temple and charitable organisations.

Fifth, no ugly makeup nor ugly clothes to be worn on my corpse..

Sixth, my diaries shall all be burned away..

Seventh, my personal message will be passed onto people that are significant to me via Delphine.

Of course, this is the WHAT IF case.. But no one knows what will happen one second later..
Death is unavoidable, rather than avoiding it, may as well handle it as well as one can..
It does not make the end.. but rather it marks a new beginning.. Death and birth are just processes.. Hopefully, when the day comes, I will face it with courage too..

Chaos around me..

2006-04-13T00:56:00.000+08:00

Title: Chaos Around Me

The world is falling apart pieces by pieces.. Things around me seem to spin and spin.. My head seems to be muddled up.. So many things happening yet so little time for me to digest and learn.. Somehow, I am expected to grow up and cope with what's happening and what will be happening..

Giving others and myself a chance maybe a good thing? Somehow, I just do not feel keen about it.. But nevertheless I am grateful for your presence when I needed it the most.. How do I thank you? Perhaps in this way..

Perhaps you can help me to cross the obstacle.. Doesn't sound ethical but so far it seems to be the only way. I cannot promise anything but that I wil try my best..

This isn't my style.. Why do I have to conform? Why do I have to give up what I like? Perhaps I have grown up.. Understanding that to be 100% honest at times doesn't benefit all parties..Yearning to be me again.. One day, I will disappear and one day I will be back..

A proper closure..

2006-04-11T23:54:00.000+08:00

Title: A Proper Closure

In the midst of daily life, I forgot about giving myself a proper closure.. Perhaps this explains why when the memory rewinds, I cannot hold back my tears.. The feeling of abandonment and betrayal all hurts too much..

There are certain things that I know yet I cannot said.. It doesn't matter for I have grown accustomed to keeping things within me too.. I yearned for a proper closure, to cover the book and move on.. This kind of feeling is hard to describe probably only another person can understand..

I feel like disappearing from Singapore without informing anyone except my family.. To find back myself.. I need to continue to learn how to let go, impermanence.. Basic theories of life, yet when it comes to practical, I failed..

How to treasure and yet not be attached to it? This is something which I have yet to find an answer.. I cannot be dependent yet I cannot be independent totally..What is the balance?

Soon, soon.. I assure my inner voice.. You will get the closure you want and I too will find the answers back.. Let me finish what I have promised others..

Fear of Losing

2006-04-10T00:54:00.000+08:00

Title: Fear of Losing

With tears in her eyes, the gal rationalised within her mind.. Her fear of losing conquered her mind and her tears flowed down..

The loss of a teddy bear shook her.. The fear of having to gone through the same ordeal griped her right through the heart.. She did not want to think of the consequences..

Because of the loss, she blamed herself and finally she got over it.. But will history repeat itself? And if it does, is it her fault once more?

She doesn't hate the teddy bear.. but its something deeper than that.. the fear of losing..

She shuddered at the thought and decided not to ponder over it.. not now..maybe some other day perhaps..

~Food for thought

2006-04-03T00:36:00.002+08:00

Title: Food for Thought

This evening was simply lovely for me.. because I met up with two of my closest friends in SWAPS, Fen and Charles for dinner.. Hee it was a belated birthday dinner for dear Charles who was totally clueless on it..

Imagine his shocked expression when we brought out the mini cake that was hidden in my bag and the fact that we settled the bill.. Hee..His joy brings me happiness for he is like a brother to me..

With good food settling down in my stomach, thoughts started to flow..

Have I become more difficult to understand? More protective of myself, my heart, my mind? I was sharing my 'insights' on how to be careful when getting into a relationship e.g. know the good and bad points of the person you like to be prepared..

By nature, I am rather observant of people's behaviour. So naturally, I can roughly guess a certain person's style through observation. Sherlock Holmes said that good detective skills came from good observation skills..

Perhaps because of this, I know how to guide my behaviour properly. In other words, am I becoming hard to understand? I admit that I am easy to warm up but hard to open up.. If i don't feel like opening up, I won't open up even if it takes a century..

But hard to understand, perhaps.. I can planned in advance over certain events, like testing water but there are things which are uncontrollable.. And if things are controllable, why not planned it rather than leaving it to chance?

Now, I understand why some people marry others even though the person they love is another one. Because they know their love one would not be able to bring them the happiness they wished. Hence, they rather marry someone whom they know can bring them happiness and in the process nurture real love..

Its no wonder they said its a fortunate thing to marry the person you truly love and vice versa..
Sometimes, the best of both worlds just do not exist at all..

This being the case, love being in the open market, everyone is entitled to being picky. So why should gals not be picky? In all aspects, gals are the ones who are gonna to lose out if they are not picky.. Of course, you can be picky and still pick a lousy guy.. but the important thing is you already tried and gone through the process..

The ends aren't the most crucial points.. The process gains credit for it too..
My advice: Pick while you have the market value and can afford to pick..

My unpursued dreams..

2006-03-17T21:43:00.000+08:00

Title: My Unpursued Dreams

Realised that my title hasn't been appearing in my blog...so decided to manually add in myself..

Met Seck, the artist once again.. Each time I interact with her, she never fails to inspire me through the conversation.. She has this aura around her that is rather amazing to me..

Through the conversation, I realised she teaches drawing at Laselle.. Drawing is something that I always wanted to pursue but lack the courage to do so.. I guessed she felt my hesitation, she told me" talented people are talented because of the passion and the hardwork behind.. Drawing is about staying in the moment.. People tend to draw based on the past or the future but no, its the moment that is significant..You have eyes, hands and brain, you can draw too.."

All along, there is this voice that said drawing is for the talented ones. It does not help that I have an older cousin who is inclined to drawing and doing handicraft. There is this sense of inferiority I felt each time I thought of picking up sketching..

When Seck shared her experience of drawing and teaching drawing, there is this spark in her eyes. Its like her passion, her life, she glows when she talked about it..Amazing.. I promised myself I have to find time to learn sketching from Seck, to pursue my dreams in drawing..

Apart from drawing, there is always dancing.. I kinda regretted not continuing it then but really glad that I finally continue now.. It suprises me that things that I learned then are still not forgotten despite its a difference form of dance now..

One by one, I will pursued my dreams.. If back then, I knew the fees in Lasalle, NAFA were cheaper than NUS and I had the courage to do the unconventional.. I would have gone there to pursue my studies..

Well, I am confident that I will be able to slowly learn the things that I wanted to do.. My unpursued dreams will be fulfilled..

Sabrinaism..

2006-03-16T01:07:00.000+08:00

This is a new word that has been coined to describe actions that are uniquely associated with me..

Not sure if I should feel honoured or otherwise.. But well my goofy hilarious actions are unintentional.. As what Charles said, its in my blood..

No matter how much I change, its never gonna be gone.. I just have to love the way I am..

Another issue.. there is this cute Korean- American guy that caught my eyes during open house. In my entire 4 years in university life, there hasn't been any guy that I am smitten with.. But him, yes, lol..

Sometimes i am scared to face up to my own feelings. Because I am afraid of handling them, afraid of hurting people, hurting others. Especially when I know that the element of uncertainty is huge, I will choose to escape.. I am a professional in this area..

Be brave.. Love myself..

2006-03-09T00:19:00.000+08:00

Your Heart Is Green

Love completes you, but that doesn't mean you seek it out.

When love comes your way, you integrate it peacefully into the rest of you life.

Your flirting style: Laid back

Your lucky first date: Walking around aimlessly and talking

Your dream lover: Is both enthusiastic and calm

What you bring to relationships: Balance

What Color Heart Do You Have?

Basic Courtesy please..

2006-03-08T01:43:00.000+08:00

For someone who has busy friends and who is always busy, I never believed in flying people kites nor standing them up.. As much as possible, I try to inform in advance if I am going to be late or unable to make it such that my friends can make other plans too..

I believe this is the basic courtesy that everyone should try to practise.. Well someone stood me up for movie but thankfully the ticket wasn't paid by me.. To be practical, I did not gain or lose anything..

Honestly, it wasn't a fantastic feeling. Plus the movie wasn't entertaining.. But it gave me a new experience for it was the 1st time I watched a movie alone..Geez.. Initially, I was really pissed but well I rationalised and complained about it hehe.. So pretty much got over the emotional stage lol

Kudos to Cindy who was there to meet me and hear my complains and hanged until I was ready to go home.. all this despite her the other half was with her.. Hugs Cindy!! The other one was Charles, my bro..Yah, I know you still cannot get used to the title of Bro.. Thanks for being the hotline as always.. Really appreciate alot.. Hugs Charles!!

Well, I learnt.. Learnt how the system works, how it feels like to be the person being flied the kite.. At least I know the word of basic courtesy..

Confessions of someone..

2006-03-03T20:07:00.000+08:00

I am someone who is a no one.. yet I too have secrets, have confessions to make..

I yearn to break out of the constraints of the society, dashing forward towards the desires..

Yet its not possible..

Because of what I believe , professionalism in whatever I do.. Work first and personal feelings aside..

How can I not compromise a relationship and maintain professionalism still?

Not possible.. because such an image has been formed, I have to mould it, break free of it..

************************************************************************************
I am sure this kind of monologue would have appeared in your mind. I am just voicing the thoughts of people I heard..

Have the courage to break free of constraints. Do not fear change for change is the only stable element in life..

Younger male, older female relationship..

2006-02-28T23:58:00.000+08:00

What's wrong with a relationship when a guy is younger than the gal by a few years? Perfectly normal.. so how come people will still look abit stun?

I guess the advantage is at least the guy won't die earlier? Appearance wise, we all know that gals seem to age faster than guys..

Its still hard for me to picture myself in a relationship with a guy who is younger than me.. Perhaps if he look older than me, mature mentality, it may help abit..

Well for those who are in such a relationship, I really wished you all the best.. You have my blessings!

2006-02-24T23:03:00.000+08:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is low. Even if you're tempted, you'd try hard not to do it.

You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

What temperment are you?

2006-02-24T22:53:00.000+08:00

You Have a Choleric Temperament

You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things.
Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life.
You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation.

You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon.
Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall.
You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others.

At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults.
Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion.
A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

What Temperment Are You?

What sign should you be?

2006-02-24T22:49:00.000+08:00

You Should Be An Aquarius

What's good about you: philosophical and idealistic, you are a great thinker

What's bad about you: you require a lot of space - it's hard to get close to you

In love: you're quirky and playful, but you hate to be smothered

In friendship, you're: likely to have many acquaintances and very few good friends

Your ideal job: pilot, snow boarder, or science fiction writer

Your sense of fashion: unconventional, unique outfits that turn heads

You like to pig out on: anything with garlic or unique spices

What Sign Should You Be?

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

2006-02-24T22:35:00.000+08:00

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves.

You've been deeply wounded in the past, and you're still recovering from that hurt.

You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky.

In fights, you love to debate and defend yourself. You logic prevails - or at least you'd like to think so.

Break-ups can be painful for you, but you never show it. You hold your head high.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

My hair colour!!

2006-02-24T22:29:00.000+08:00

Your Hair Should Be Orange

Expressive, deep, and one of a kind.
You pull off "weird" well - hardly anyone notices.

What's Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

More than three days of sheer hard work..

2006-02-19T23:40:00.000+08:00

This year Valentine's Day had been the most memorable one.. When couples are celebrating the commercial day away, I was busy with a few die hard friends trying to sell roses..

This mini venture made me realise that three days of selling translated into more than three days of sheer hard work.. Everything was worth it even if I only managed to break even. It strengthened my friendship with Melissa, Siew Hui, Yu Jing through this event. Never had I imagined that they were the ones who helped me through this project.. The gratitude that I have towards them is immeasurable..

Every business that you see, be it on the streets, in the shopping mall has someone there contributing their time and effort. No doubt, their aim is to maximise profits but these people also just wish to have a livelihood. Without them to supply our needs and wants, what will happen to us?

The next time you purchased a product or service, be really thankful that someone is willing to put in their effort and time for us. Business does hold high risks for there is no guarantee that profits will be earned..

************************************************************************************
A gust of wind blew across the desk.. Papers started to fly out of the windows, into the streets, the drains..

"Oh no! Those are my flyers that are supposed to be distributed out! What am I going to do with the opening of the cafe in three days time?" The gal sighed in resignation..

"Knock Knock!"

"Come in, the door is not locked."

The door opened with three earnest faces looking in.. The guy blurted out, "We were wondering if you need any help?"

" Gosh! You could not have picked a better time.. I do need help badly! Can you all help with printing and distribution of flyers?"

" Sure, you can leave it to us!" The gal with funky spectacles answered with a wide smile..

Without any ado, the trio started work.. Still stunned by their appearance, the gal could not believe her luck.. Its been a long time since she felt this way..

A sense of hope in her life that perhaps everything is gonna be alright..
************************************************************************************

Mini business venture

2006-02-08T09:07:00.000+08:00

I have learnt when it comes to doing business, talking about it and executing it are two completely issues.. Certain people can talk about it but when it comes to doing it, its a no go. They need the details and want no risk..

But that is not possible. Having gone through numerous events management with YM team, I came to realise that when the time is tight, its important to be decisive, draw up an overall strategy and go.. The operational details can come in at a later date when the major skeleton has been confirmed..

Within two days, I made up my mind to have a mini business venture. The reason is simple because its a sure earn business with minimum risk taken.. Selling roses during the LOVE season is good business and with 5% risk of unable to finish selling the roses..

The 1st group of people that I approached have since pulled out. Hence, I have pulled in another group of people whom I am less close with but they definitely have the outreach and selling techniques. I have 100% confidence in my team that we are going to finish selling the roses..

Through a msn session with Abner, we came to the conclusion that in business ventures, apart from ideas, capital and resources, business partners are also equally essential ingredients too. Good business partners are hard to find. They can be you good friends but not necessary good business partners.

Communicating with the supplier, Frank is also hilarious. Like me, he is also a student trying to help his society earn some money. Oh boy, I negotiated with him until he told me I am really one of the hardest bargainers.. Even though I could not get him to reduce the price of the baskets BUT I managed to coax some tips of selling roses from him..

He is a nice chap despite his insistence on not cutting price.. I forsee that I will have an enjoyable time working with this supplier and if he has other contacts, perhaps can work in future too.. Every relationship that I build, I try to maintain it as much as possible, its about cutomer relationship management. Someday somewhere you may still need the person's help..

Cheers to my mini business venture! No matter what the outcome is, I have learnt something out of it again..

I still do not understand..

2006-02-01T00:56:00.000+08:00

This post may be offending to some people.. If you are those who neglected close friends over your partners, then I suggest that you skip this article.. but on second thoughts, you may want to give it a glance to understand your dear friends' feelings..

As far as I can remember, I never understand how come good friends can be neglected/ignored the moment the gal gets attached. I am using gals as example because I have never been ignored by a guy friend before.. But gals yes, often they are the culprits.. Of course, there are exceptions..

Usually when I ask my friends regarding this issue, the reply I get is always, "You will understand and will be like them/us when you are in a relationship too." Honestly, this is a lousy excuse to justify the behaviour. Why is it that I do not ignore my close friends when I am in a relationship?

How is it that a guy that you know for a few months can be ranked higher than a close friend that you known for years on the priority list? Simpy because love transcends everything? Isn't it common sense that the close friend should not be ignored because friendship is a million times more precious?

Well, I guess not.. Since common sense no longer exists in love, neither does practicality exists too.. Afterall, love is blind.. Perhaps, its better to be blinded at times rather than seeing everything too clearly.. Maybe I should follow the crowd and neglect/ignore my good friends too?

Knowing me, this is sometime I am unable to do.. Perhaps I am seeing things through my perspective hence I cannot put myself in their shoes.. Call me greedy but I want the best of both worlds; my close friends and my significant other(future) and I believed that both can be juggled equally well..

If not, I will rather give up the relationship than neglect my close friends.. Apart from family, religion and friendship, there is nothing more precious than them..

Please do not neglect close friends over your partners, it hurts deeply. Even though you do not hear or see any hints from your close friends, it does not mean that the hurt does not exist.. The close friend simply do not want you to feel uncomfortable over this matter for she places your happiness more important than hers..

Till now, I still do not understand the logic behind this neglecting close friends issue. Maybe I never will..

Hard work pays off!

2006-01-28T11:47:00.000+08:00

Before school started, me and a couple of friends began to calculate the grades that we would need to push our cap higher hopefully to the next stage.. Sigh, the grades that were tabulated were kinda hard to reach.. Nevertheless we told ourselves to push on, to aim for the sky, at least if fallen can land on the clouds..

My case study has been a pain in the ass literally.. causing me to just sit in front of computer and library to scan through numerous readings.. The good news is hard work pays off!! The professor in charge of this specialisation topic told me i covered all the readings and they would be enough for me to do my case study.. Oh boy! She was so encouraging and told me to perserve on.. If only I got her as my supervisor..

But well, my current one is quite good just that the topic I am doing is not his specialisation. But he has been helpful so far as well.. So long as I can hit his standards and be consistent, I will do fine..

Me, being an idealist always believed that hard work pays off and the fact that you reap what you sow. But sometimes in reality, its not always the case and people tend to turn bitter. Why so? Because they feel they are entitled to it. E.g. I work had in office and hence it should be my turn to get promoted. Why him?

But someday, true colours will always show. Its not that the rewards never appear. Just that the timing is not right for them to appear. The fruits of an apple tree also need time to grow after planting in the seed and watering it.

So long as we have tried our very best, putting in our hard work, its all worth it. At least we can answer to our own self and have no regrets after all..

************************************************************************************
The lovely sunset shone upon the fields, basking it in its golden glow. The gal sitting in the wheelchair smiled feebly and turned to her companion, "isn't it lovely? I wonder how many sunsets I can look forward to seeing it?"

The companion smiled back" You will conquer the disease if you believe you can. Remember that the mind is always stronger than the body?"

"Perhaps, but what if everything has been proven wrong?"

"Well, if you never try, you will never know. No matter what happens, I will be here for you always.."

The gal smiled contently..

One week later..

In the same field, the sunset is still as lovely.. The gal was no longer in wheel chair. She was standing with her companion. She did a small dance, something she was unable to do for a long time..

" I did try and now I am freed from the disease. Finally we can be together after so long.."

In the hospital ward, the doctor and nurses were trying their last effort to rescuitate the gal.
" Its no use, she is gone.. May she rest in peace always.." The parents smiled, tears rolling down. They knew the gal would be in safe hands with her companion, her fiancee who died in a mountaineering accident 4 years back..

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Revamped Blog

2006-01-23T23:00:00.000+08:00

Its about time that I revamped my blog, giving it a new skin, showing another facet of my personality..

When I saw this blog skin, I fell in love with it immediately.. Simply because I can relate to it.. Freedom and peace are two elements that I have been pursuing after. The wonderful thing is this skin also added in nature as part of the design..

For once, this skin felt like it was designed just for me, my voice.. My million thanks to the designer who designed this skin and also thanks to Su Teck for helping me with the alien html code..

This time round, a tag board was added to allow more interactive messages to be posted. Hmm, wonder if anyone will post anything?

Its a blog that I really treasure.. Thanks alot dear friends..

Grateful for the spiritual friendship

2006-01-14T23:51:00.000+08:00

In life, it never hurt to be friendly to people and show them some care and concern when you feel they may need it..

I am very grateful when people appreciate the friendship that I have given them and return the same to me as well..

Imagine my delight when a spiritual friend of mine from my 1st msian camp contacted me and informed me that he is working in Singapore now..For about a year or so, we did not have any contact perhaps some forwarded emails occasionally, thats all..

It left a deep impression on me.. I could still remember back in the camp, I saw that during break time, he was sitting in front alone. So i attempted to strike up a conversation with him since we were in the same group.. That started our friendship and for the rest of camp we got to know each other better. He mentioned that he would come here to work and would catch up with me then..

I never expected that after 2 years, he really did keep his promise and caught up with me. I was touched by his gesture for it showed he was someone who treasured friendship too. It was a lovely catch up session with lots of laughter and also exchanges of Dharma experiences in between..

To me, when I gave that friendship that time, I never expected any return. Yet here it is, a friendship that is being appreciated. Its a rare opportunity to be able to continue this spiritual friendship considering that he also went for Venerable Kai Zhao's talk..

Thank you for this precious friendship, I'm sure it will last.. There will be more occasions for us to meet up and learn from each other Dharma knowledge..

A sudden moment of reflection

2006-01-13T19:18:00.000+08:00

While I was hanging out laundry today, I came to realise how much I miss the sun during the past rainy days.. The warmth of the sun rays, the light from the sun suddenly seemed very precious in deed..

It occurred to me that I had been taking for granted that the sun would always be shining brightly in the sky especially in Singapore. Over the radio, I heard listeners calling in to moan about how their plans were ruined, their clothes left undried for days.. I admitted that I was among them as well..

Singapore located near the equator has always been a tropical country with an abundance of sunshine.. Never in my life until now, I have not seen the sun for days!

Well using the sun as an analogy, it seems that our family members are like the sun, always by our side. Hence, we often do not appreciate them enough simply with the excuse they will be there anyway..

But what if they disappear one day like the sun? No one knows what will happen in the future but only the present is known. For once, start to appreciate your love ones around you..

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The morning rays shone brightly upon the green moss in the forest.. The animals started to woke up from their hibernation..slowly one by one, the rabbits rubbed their eyes, the monkeys scratched their backs..

"Yeah! Uncle Sun is back from vacation! Once again, we can play and work like the normal! Lets have a party to celebrate the occasion." The animals cheered..

Back in the sky, Uncle Sun was having a conversation with Uncle Rain. "Hey buddy, thanks for covering me for the past few days while I was away for holiday. I never expected that the animals will miss me that much. Suddenly, I felt very loved."

Uncle Rain chuckled," You owed me one big one! You had no idea how badly you were being missed. Without you, nothing could be done properly. Poor me was being scolded by everyone and anyone! Even humans, the superior lot that they thought they were could do nothing without you! Now its my time to go on vacation! See ya around.."

Uncle Sun smiled and decided to shine his very best for Mother Nature to compensate the missing days of warmth and light.. He heard cheers, laughter and joy from everywhere of the forest.. This was truly something he had never thought of, everyone's hero overnight!

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Acknowlegements: My dad for inspiring me with the idea when he mentioned that the sun went on leave and now is back for work! =P